Hey there Delilah

So this Sunday, I'll be at the beach. Not in Singapore, not doing laundry, not studying, but at the beach!!! (Fingers crossed that it doesnt rain)

Somtam, cotton candy, foot reflexology, easy chairs, banana boats, tender coconut (no alcohol, tsk tsk) and a good life! Finally, the fact that I'll be on a holiday has sunk in. I do have to wake up to dial in a conf. call on Tuesday morning, but I'll pardon that cuz I'm just THAT happy today!

Tomorrow is the big company dinner and my team does not have costumes yet! Which is an excellent excuse to leave work at 530 and go shopping! (I want a hot white dress, but I doubt I'll get a chance to...sigh...)

I have been easily annoyed by many people this week - the first being my cheapstake landlord who refuses to fix a leak in my room. It's freakin pouring everyday and he comes n does something to it, which makes NO difference! I think he jus licks off the water n pretends the leak is fixed!!! #$%^&*(@#$%^&*(

I am also highly annoyed at people who are "mature adults" but have the responsibility of a 3 year old. For God's sake, you may be brats of your world's (and I am, of mine) but don't expect me to put up with you, just like I don't expect you to put up with mine. Everyone around you picks up after themselves and takes responsibility for things they do - and as common courtsey to each other. So, please DO THE SAME. Unless you're paying me to do so for you!

Seasonal people irritate me. Here one day, gone the next. n then back. Because hey, I wasn't born to suit your conveniences. and nothing blossoms when you arrive.

Blargh!

So ahem. Anyhoo.

Tonight is the big shopping night. Tomorrow is the big dinner. Friday is the big play. I think I forgot minor things like - packing, buying stuff for family, oh n work. Apparently it makes a difference if 1 out of a 1,000 people go on a holiday!

I must also strategize for my "Improve Dad Revolution" - which entails joining forces with the mother and bro in nagging him endlessly until he gives in and gets a life! Beyond his job, meals, and TV.

I also need to master the art of tuning out the mother when she starts her MBA and/or marriage monologue!

With lots to do and lots to plan for, I should get back to looking busy and pretending to work!

Just a Little Bit

It’s a beautiful day outside and for once, I have nowhere to be at, and nothing urgent to do. It’s a refreshing feeling – to not have my mind racing miles ahead of self.

I’ll start studying shortly, and strangely enough, I find that very de-stressing. There is no boss breathing down my neck and I am in control for a change.

This time next week, I’d be home and napping. (Home = Thailand) I’ve taken a week off from work and am going home for 9 days…I should be excited about it but for some reason it feels like a forced holiday. I’m not mentally prepared to take a long break yet, I guess. Or maybe I just haven’t had the time to absorb it’s implications. There is tons of work to be settled before heading off, sigh, and sigh.

At the risk of sounding like an awful person, I’ll say that I feel like thr’s an OD of family time. Don’t get me wrong, I love them and everything. But I think I can use some quiet time instead. Oh well. I do intend on spending a couple of days at the spa! I got a cheap-ass ticket on a budget carrier so that I can splurge on other things openly!

WOMAD was awesome on Friday. I loved the Scottish band, Shooglenifty! The music they created was to die for! The energy on the stage as well as in the crowd was enough to get me dancing non stop and stay on music high! The intensity on the faces of band members if something I love about live music! ADF was LOUD, as expected. But I didn’t love it as much as I thought I would. Maybe its because I was too in love with the long haired dreamy looking Scottish boy playing an instrument (who’s name I don’t know!) The finale party bored me within minutes and I finally dragged everyone home! (Sorry Narenoo!)

I clicked that pic on Saturday sometime close to mid-night while taking a lone walk on the beach. Soon after, I was followed by 2 creepy looking Indian men and I hurried home (after mouthing a few obscenities!) They had the nerve to wait outside the 7/11 while I went to grab a drink n hopefully get rid of them! Mofos!

Back to Sunday – when thankfully it’s not raining. And I’m gonna retire to my notes and the TV in the background, and study Fundamentals of Business Economics! N Soon, a cup of Earl Gray!

4 AM

It’s 3:45 AM on a Friday night/Saturday morning and although I should be tucked in bed, sleep seems far far away. This newly developed insomnia is beginning to worry me now. One or two days is acceptable but 4 days of tossing and turning in bed is not quite normal.

It’s been quite a Friday night. The original plan of meeting D for a drink or two at Harry’s and then off home – followed by Rush Hour 3 later at night, was abandoned as the Harry’s gathering increased to 7 people and extended well into, and almost past dinner time. After much contemplation, the movie was over-written by a quick drunk dinner and more drinking at FC. House parties rock – oh so totally! The “crowd” is great, the “DJ” is friendly, and the “dance floor” always has place. The free flow of alcohol and the bed to sprawl on only adds to the fun for a Friday night. Lots of drinking games that revealed interesting facts, dancing and a wine glass that kept filling itself up ( n I don’t even like wine!) kept the party going till 3. I figured I might as well get home and get some sleep so I don’t waste the entire Saturday in bed!

N here I am, wide awake.

The boy has touched down at London, which makes all of this more real than it was when he was in India. This hit me in the middle of the party, with a glass in one hand, and a phone in the other. I was not prepared for the wave that hit me after, but was thankfully caught by well meaning friends. And then I was okay. I am okay, yes.

So that was that.

It’s now 4 am and I still can’t sleep. Damn it.

Gin & Juice

The birthday came and lasted 3 days! :D Started off with late night calls from the boy, the family, the relatives n present from the housemate! A great cake and celebration at the office, dinner n drinks with great friends, cake – flowers – chocolates from the boy (special thanks to the “delivery man”), and awesome presents. Lots of wishes from friends across the world (partial thanks to Facebook) and finally a birthday lunch with the office friends today (all paid for by the boss).

I haven’t stopped grinning all this while and feel sooooooooooo loved!

EPL has started and I’ll finally be watching soccer again! I miss watching the late night matches over summer (Euro 2004 was it?) when the nights were long, getting high was fun, and life was simpler. When mother did not lecture about sleeping early, the bro fixed the mid night snack, and soccer players were cute (and talented, I’m sure)! Oh fun days!

So long distance with the boy sucks, especially since we’d recently been spending a lot of time together. Life’s not fallen apart but IMs limit conversation, as does family. I miss.

Speaking of IM’s – it’s strange that I have these detailed, intimate conversations with certain people where we talk about everything, from the weather to troubles/relationships/plans. And then we meet in person, and we hardly have anything to say to each other. Suddenly conversations are stunted and a half-baked joke are forced to bridge the silences. Or better yet, in big groups, we almost *avoid* any direct conversation? What with the dry pleasantries and quickly looking away.

Why can’t it flow as easily as it does over IM? Is facing people so difficult now that we prefer the veil of text than voices?

Birthdays n such...

There's so much I want to say, but I'm too exhausted n delirious n far too happy to pen it down...

I just had a kick-ass birthday and I can't stop smiling...lovely company, good food, and great presents! I feel extremely luffed (loved) thanks to all the wonderful people who came down and I'm gonna go to bed holding on to this feeling!

Thanks All!

You never walk alone...

The boy has left – moved on to (hopefully) a better place and to better things. The magnitude of the change that has happened has not hit me yet - I just went numb, and then okay. I hate people who go away! The farewell was complete with many promises and strict instructions. (You can NOT do a lot of things, but I can. Because, well, I'm a girl! ) I'm keeping my fingers crossed and planning the December trip.
I slept a lot and woke up with this strange restlessness. I want to fast forward 3-4 years in life to see what it's going to be like. I guess because nothing major and life changing is happening to me personally (like going to b school, changing jobs, moving cities), I just keep imaging what it'd be like if any of these things happened. And the problem with imagination is that there are just SO MANY OPTIONS. I get carried away with these possibilities and weave entire worlds around them, only to realize that I have no idea which one would eventually be mine. Now, I am not a very patient person and therefore the restlessness to know ahead of time. Crystal ball, anyone?
Friday happened, and it over. Boss returned from his holiday, a lot less sour, and back to making politically incorrect remarks about cleavages and other things! I’m both disturbed and relieved! My last few conversations with him were terse, and wanted me to quit my job! To celebrate this lack of grouchiness, JJ and I went and bought ourselves a pair of shoes each. And nutella waffles, in true Friday fashion!
All the plans for the day were scrapped and I found myself in Penny Black eating tons and tons of finger food for dinner and making “high” small talk with random colleagues. Eventually we turned to singing (we had the entire 2nd floor to ourselves and our home brewed band!!) I resisted every offer but finally gave in and …SANG! All of us did, and it was such great fun. My first time ever, singing in front of anyone! N no the mic did not break down! This Belgian hot shot and I tried to kick off the dance floor, but it didn’t quite work out. Once the “party” became boring, I headed off to settlers for a friend’s birthday and then home like a good child. Total alcohol consumption – 1 vodka cranberry. Barely vodka. Too much berry!
So, I’m doing okay I guess. The world hasn’t fallen apart and I’m not miserable. There is plenty to be done and no excuses left!

I am out of titles

The mother is gone. The brother is gone. The boy will soon be gone.

Don’t feel bad for me, because I have plans, big big plans to fill my time. And they are kick-ass plans, mind you!

Mom was here for two weeks and it was quite a ride. There were days when I loved having them here, and days when I stayed at office till late just so that I could have some quiet time and hear myself thing. As expected, there was the nagging – I eat unhealthy food, I am too fat and none of my clothes look nice on me, I should sleep earlier, I should not stay on the comp 24/7, I should wake up 10 mins early and do yoga, I should think seriously about my relationships and bring to her in 1 year, a boy who’d wanna tie the knot in 2-3 years time. So for 2 weeks I slept early, ate healthy and assured her that I know about the boy tree and when the time is right, I’ll go and pluck a ripe one and bring to her. She was amused, but reiterated herself, hoping I’d get the point. I laughed and repeated myself, hoping to do the same. I don’t know why we must discuss things that won’t happen for another 3-4 years at least. The MBA was mentioned on average once a day.

But it wasn’t all bad! It was great having her over…someone to open the door when you have had a long day at work and ask how your day was. Hot breakfast and a forced glass of milk, hot dinner, lots of catching up. She helped me manage the things in the house I hadn’t had a chance to and made it look much like home. She also cooked a superb lunch for 20 of my friends with the limited pots and pans in the house and didn’t complain for a second! Lots of shopping, lots of eating out, lots of spoiling the little brother.

I’m not a horrible horrible person who hates her family! I love them to bits! Just that I do crave my quiet time sometimes and it drives me up the wall when I cant have that for a whole two weeks. I am however, proud that I did not have a single argument with her. Technically. Okay, so the MBA and marriage talk doesn’t count.

2 weeks I lived every free hour for them
1.5 weeks now I’ll live the free hours for/with the boy.

After nearly a month of borrowed time, I’ll have some of my own.

Things to look forward to:

- Rakhi at home this year, in a month’s time!
- Training for the 10K run in October
- Training to improve time for the 10K run in Dec
- Trip to London in December! (yes, most probably the Australia trip would be changed to London trip. Reason: cuz Australia would be too hot, and might as well stay in Singapore instead of shelling out the cash for that weather. Yes, believe me, that’s the only reason! )
- Salsa (it’s about time!)
- CIMA (it’s about time too!!)

In order to curb my thinking right here, (before I enter the “you think too much” territory) I shall go and read Half of a Yellow Sun, which FYI, is an excellent book. You must all read it! Go now, go go!

I can't think of a title!

Old bags, old shoes, dried flowers and shreds of paper cover the entire floor of my room and my bed. The only seating space I could find is on the throw rug in the corner, which was there for a year for the purpose of sitting around n chilling, but is being used for the first time.

I’m jus taking a breather.

Although packing is such a pain, it’s a good way to clean out the closet and discard things you don’t use, or knew existed. I just threw away eleven pairs of shoes. *yes, forgive me, for I have sinned* It broke my heart, but some things just have to go.

I did discover a few things that pleased me ~ old photographs, a suede bag which I’d completely forgotten about, and my Red Bull tank top!

Of course the birthday cards from the past 5 years. I read each and every one of them again. From old friends, forgotten friends, ex-boyfriends, etc.

Then there are the letters. From past relationships. Not love letters, but just letters. What does one do with them? Put them all a shoe box and (a) bury (b) throw in the sea (c) stow away in the store-room (d) non of the above – shred them just like the other useless papers which will end up in the black garbage bag. What is the right protocol here?? I don’t particularly like option d because they are souvenirs from a not-too-unhappy past. And at some point, the things written in them were true. I think. Call me a mush bag, but I can’t get myself to throw them away.

I didn’t let myself re-read them though. Smart choice, one of the smarter ones.

Yesterday was the last day of the fiscal year and a much awaited occasion to pop a few bottles of champagne. The party was supposed to start at 730, but Friday traffic, lack of cabs, the rain, and last minute year closing things kept us from starting till 9. Without wasting any time, we got ordered our first drinks at Barfly and I ensured that the tables were always full of greasy, overpriced finger food! (After all, the boss is picking up the bill). The crowd was great, the boss was drunk, and the boys were cute! Needless to say that us girlies were very happy! ;) We lost a few people who had to go for family things, and by 11, the non – married ones were ready to dance, and boy, did we dance! 4 hrs of non stop dancing, drinks that kept appearing, thanks to Baldy, and a “supper” of cheeseburgers and fries at Macs! By the time I got home, I couldn’t feel my legs anymore, and staggered into bed.

One of the best party nights in a long time, should be followed by a lazy Saturday in bed! But I am instead trying to put together cartons, and pack all my belonging by this evening.

But the boy comes back tonight, I’ll be living much closer to the office starting tomorrow, the work load is to decrease a lot, and family’s coming soon! I guess I can’t complain, can I!

Money for nothing...

***Proud moment***

I made an omelet for dinner on my own, without breaking it. It looked like a normal omelet, and I am still alive an hour after eating it.

***End of Proud moment***

I guess that says a lot about my culinary skills, doesn’t it? My response to ma when she grumbles about my lack of grace in the kitchen, is “ hah, I can’t be good at everything now, can I?” Apart from rolling her eyes, she can’t do much, and I get off the hook!

I was talking to Blurry today and realized that people around me are so focused on money these days. It’s rather disturbing. I guess it has something to do with just starting our careers and paying bills with our hard earned cash (for most) as opposed to the scholarship or the transfer from dad that parked itself into the bank every beginning of the semester. But still, I liked to know that we had better measures for like than the dollar bills. Conversations lately are measured in rent, costs, furniture costs, taxi costs, GST for god’s sake, courses’ costs, blah blah blah. It all boils down to the single $ value that is put on things.

Maybe it’s the long term vs. the short. We’re rather myopic as so far we’ve only planned for a few years at a time. In middle school, you only looked as far as 4 years of high school. High school was spent planning the glorious university days (4 years). Freshmen year in university was spent planning a major, and by junior year, we were planning the final year projects. Finally, in senior year, we were looking for the jobs. Now, a few are still looking at only 3 years before the MBA. We got so used to planning for the short term, that I guess we don’t have a grasp of the long term. I got my first bite of that when my parents told me that losing the money was no big deal, and in 2 years time, it would seem like an insignificant amount. N I figured yeah, in a few years time, I wouldn’t care at all. This was the comforting thought that helped me sleep at night.

I also stopped thinking in my head that I need a better paying job that I won’t enjoy half as much, every time something went wrong at work or every time I heard of another apartment that I couldn’t afford. I finally internalized the fact that for a few hundred bucks less, I get the experience and the skills that I won’t find elsewhere. Now how do you put a value to that?

I like to think we’re not merely materialistic, but rather trying to survive on our own in the “real world” as they call it. It’s always a race to chasing that big $$$ amount for the MBA. Or to start up a business. Or for that car. And some cushioning in the bank in case the sky falls. I like to believe that this $ talk is only the survival instinct, but that underneath, we do know the things that matter to us. N a few odd bucks here and there don’t change that.

Which one...?

Say Cheese

A Change will do you good

I have an apartment! Finally!!!

It’s old, its huge, its expensive, its air-ey, its near town, its not fancy, its 2 bus stops from my office! So it’s not perfect, but in this market, it comes close! I still love our current place muchly, but somehow, I’m not attached to it. Maybe it’s because it’s only been one year. Maybe because I was rarely at home to make it feel like “home”. Or maybe after staying in a different room on campus every year, I’m used to packing up my belongings and moving on.

In the next 9 days, my life is going to revolve around packing, shifting, unpacking, cable, internet, utilities accounts; year end closing, forecast accuracy, etc. etc. oh, I forgot to mention that with June comes the end of the fiscal year, and being in the finance function, it means it’s the busiest time of the year! God bless them accountants who have to manage the “books.”! My sympathies!

Lately, my mind’s been racing at a pace too fast for the rest of me to keep up, and the whole day seems like a struggle for the rest of the body to keep up with it.

I want a holiday. Not a long weekend get away in Bkk where I get absolutely no breathing space. I need solitude, a change of scene, and a place where my brain goes in overdrive trying to absorb all the new sights and sounds. Or a quiet place where it slows down to match the stillness of the surroundings. Or a place with new people and refreshing conversation. Just something different from the present, a dream that I don’t want to wake up from.

No, i don’t wish to escape from the present. I just want some diversity in the present. A new flavor. A different note.

At the boarding gates...

Careful where you stand

*Post from 4 days ago*

I have been cheated out of a large chunk of my money and I am trying to make peace with it. I can live knowing that it’s only money, and that a few years down the lane, it’d seem like a negligible amount. But today it hurts. It was my hard earned cash over a year. It is also the first time I have been cheated. And that, I cannot make peace with. Its upsetting and it has left me rather shaken. I am trying the legal channel – after all, the law is there to protect us. But today I don’t feel so safe anymore. Every time I leave the house, I am conscious of who is walking ahead of me, and behind. No transaction, no deal, no interaction seems trustworthy. I can’t get rid of this shadow of suspicion that follows every movement around me.

It’s probably a good thing. We learn from our mistakes. Sometimes, we learn from our sheer bad luck. This time, it was my bad luck, and every other day, I dwell into the could’ve-would’ve-should’ve, which ends up replaying the entire event in my end, and leaves me exasperated, and depressed! I wish there was a way to carve our some thoughts from one heads and burn them away for good.

I noticed that over the past few years, I have become rather cynical. But today I realize, that it’s not enough. Cynicism should come hand in hand with an untrusting mind. I picked up the sourness along the way, but wasn’t able to change the fact that I trust people easily. Mental note: hate everyone, question everything.

Work’s crappy. There are days when I’m too messed up from the whole apartment thing that I can’t work. N then there are days when I’m ready to work hard, and the day starts with a nasty email, or fire fighting, without any commendable results.

It’s one of those days when you feel it slipping and you cant be bothered trying to stop it. You can only hope that you escape into a dreamless slumber, before you start slipping faster.

A box full of sharp objects

I haven’t posted in a while, I realize. I’d like to think that’s because not much has happened, but in fact plenty has!

I need an apartment - I found one – I signed lease – paid deposit – found out the agent’s cheating me as another person has signed lease for the SAME place – went to police – asked for money back – got a cheque. I’ll find out tomorrow if I actually get my money back. Else, that’ll be some real hard earned money that I’ll have to chase.

The boy (knows as the boy, to many) is leaving the country to pursue, ahem, higher education. He’ll be gone in approximately two and half months. Some laughed when they found out, not because they are just mean hearted bastards, but because of the irony of this all. A previous relationship didn’t work due to the distance, and this one is going to test my patience with distance, again. They laughed, because when I date, I am treated like a princess, and then external forces ensure that this person is placed far far away from me. This time, even I laughed. So I wouldn’t cry.

I wonder if this is some conspiracy to teach me how to live alone and be independent. WELL, I PAY ALL MY EFFING BILLS AND RUN MY ERRANDS AND LEAD A LIFE W/O THE FAMILY. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO LEARN?

*phew*

So anyhoo!

Since the house thing had be going bonkers for days (not having a place, and then being cheated in one), I have been eating too much, and drinking like they are about to ban alcohol for good! Next week, it’s time to say hi to the guys at the gym again!

One high point of the week was a Cuban (was it??) dinner, refreshing mojitos, a great band, and some wonderful company on a Friday night. I do have the nicest friends, mind you! They make you stop worrying about the world falling apart, the boy leaving, the lack of roof over your head, and your approaching poverty!

Friends leaving, friends getting married, friends turning into acquaintances. It’s all happening right here!

In some ways, I am happy that time is flying. It is letting me leave things behind – things I should have left behind a few stops before. But better late than ever, I always believe. The light-headedness and freedom that comes with this was long overdue! Travel light, why carry the extra baggage, that you know you neither need, nor can afford.

Which reminds me, in 4 days, I’ll be home, eating rich food, catching up with the little one, enjoying the feeling of being a complete family again, and indulging in all (most of) my vices.

Till then, its working hard, cursing the boss, apartment – hunting, and no alcohol!

I wish I could say not much has been happening!

Choices

My biggest problem at the moment is that I cannot decide what phone I want to buy!
I know I want a new one - Just don't know which one! They're all fat and ugly or bulky and ugly!

Since I cannot make up my mind and choose one of the uglies.

So - I am still using the old one!

Bahh!

Smack that!

The most entertaining thing I did today was watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy ~ and this episode did not feature McDreamy enough. Judging from the high point, you can guess how crappy the rest of the day was. I also painted my fingernails - for therapeutic reasons. This way, I’d have wet nail paint, which means I can’t use my hands, and thus I can’t hurl anything out of my window. (Objects to be hurled: the cell phone, the laptop, the fan, the chair, the teddy bear, the mirror, and anything I can lift!) I would have thrown these things out earlier but I had temporarily lost use of my right hand – because sometime around 5pm, after declaring that I was having a shitty day, I went to the pantry to get myself a hot cup of milo and ended up spilling half the steaming contents on my hand. It went numb and then it hurt like hell. Especially the soft skin between the thumb and the index finger – HELL I say!

The Barclays, ABN, RBS, Bank of America fiasco is also another source of entertainment. It’s almost as good as celebrity gossip.

I faced an interesting situation over the weekend, when at a party, one of the guests said something unpleasant to me, for no apparent reason (no, I wouldn’t have offended them in any way, considering I barely spoke to them and don’t know them) I wonder how such “educated” and “mature” people can stoop to such lows. I did not deliver the otherwise well deserved bitchslap because I did not want to insult my wonderful host’s guests! Man, if only I had!

On to more pleasant things – the cute Spanish boy (CSB) will be joining the team starting Monday. We took him out for dinner at Equinox, which serves below average food with a great view! CSB is very friendly and the accented English is oh-so-cute! Later, he managed to convince us that we should all have drinks, on a Monday night. We gave him extra brownie points, even before he’s started! Next week would be interesting, to say the least!

The gym friends have noticed my absence as of late, and I have a lot of catching up to do starting Thursday! *groans* I hope I break something, a minor burn is not a good enough reason to not go to the gym and not feel guilty!

3 more days till the weekend – there is still hope!

Granola makes me grouchy...

The good news: boss’s boss is NOT coming to town, and therefore I don’t have to work my ass off to produce a whizbang presentation by next week; the cute, curly haired, colored eyed Spanish boy is indeed joining our team, and we’re be taking him out for a fancy dinner next week!

The bad news: there is sooooooo much work to be done! And I haven’t worked out in almost 2 weeks; I could barely jog on Tuesday and today at the gym, I just gave up. Gym felt like slow, painful death – so 40 mins into the work out, I just stopped the treadmill and walked off! So now I feel fat, AND lazy! Bummer!

Other, not so important news : last week I felt like a clerk at work. I also found out that some freakin’ investment banks are paying their summer interns a full employee pay, WHICH IS MUCH MORE THAN MINE! Some twerp will walk off with a huge pay check, and no taxes, no provident fund, nothing! I am right to feel underpaid and over worked! UNFAIR!

I think I have to stop eating those darned “healthy” granola bars for breakfast! Health food as first meal of the day makes me cranky!

I am completing my 1 year in the company in about 2 weeks time ~ I no longer have the “new-hire” tag to protect me, so now I can just hope that the “innocent” look works, every time I stuff something up! This also means that now I can bully the newbies and act like I own the place!

One year out of the university and into the work – force…where was I when time was flying by??

Somewhere I belong

I am typing this half sunk in my oh-so-comfortable bed at the Pen. and wondering if should bother getting up for dinner and a massage, or if I should just shut my eyes and sleep right away! I okay Manila, I don’t love it absolutely. Although, I have to say that it beats Singapore hands down when it comes to hospitality and gives Thailand some real competition in this field! I work with a lot of Filipinos and I used to wonder, how in the world can they be so nice and smiling all the time! Now, I’m in country surrounded by hundreds of these very sweet people! I think that gets rid of half the stress!

I didn’t get much sleep last nite because I was bumming around with friends, and only realized pretty late that my training actually started at 8! God knows how I made it to breakfast and past the training! *I yawned shamelessly so many times, I wanted to bury my head in the ground* The fact that the training was super dry and boring didn’t help either! So, instead of working late, I decided to come back to the hotel, change, and head out shopping! I was warned not to stay out too late, so I did my shopping at the mall nearby and just came back a few mins ago. I am now waiting for my colleague to pick me up, to go out for dinner and a much needed massage! If he doesn’t show up soon, I risk falling asleep in jeans with this laptop on my stomach!

I am not extending my trip anymore and am returning immediately after my meetings tomorrow. I had the option of staying longer, but I realize that there isn’t anything that’s keeping me here, holding me back, unlike China and HK! Like I said, I okay Manila. Its much like any Indian metro, plus a gazillion warnings to be careful, just like we warn our foreign friends when they go to India.

I don’t mind going back tomorrow – there is something that holds me back there.

The little one is back at home now and suddenly, I’m more homesick than ever! I want to go back, and I cant! With the team being reduced to nearly half its size, there’s more than enough work to be done ~ and the boss is already traveling. I don’t think I can go home before july! *sobs* work sucks!!! Wondering if I should make a quick weekend trip first, in May and then go for a longer break later!

But before that, I gotta go back tomorrow, survive the week, pack my bags, and go off on my long long weekend!

*stares away in space and day dreams of the beach*

Hella Good

It’s amazing how with just a few strokes of keys, one can shrug off so much. Neat and measured deletions – and just like that, it’s gone. Sometimes, you gotta love the computer for keeping things so impersonal. If you hit the right ones, you never run the risk of stumbling upon what you’d hidden away from yourself.

I’m reading Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, so pardon me if I sound like I’m far away. I still remember her poetry from high school days – it was too disturbing for our impressionable minds, and to date, I remember Tulips, Lazy Lazarus, Daddy, etc. and how every analysis somehow lead to her depression and suicide attempts. Disturbing, but beautiful. Sigh. This is her only novel, and is just as remarkable as her poems. Unfortunately, it leaves one almost devoid of life, much like the protagonist.

Plenty of changes taking place these days; my good friend and team mate from work is serving the last 2 weeks of his notice, before he leaves to pursue his real interest - writing. My manager, is also serving her notice. She will leave the company in about 3 weeks. Her extensive knowledge of the business and 10 years of experience is something I doubt many people can match. Neither can they match her caring and understanding nature, and her willingness to indulge in our silly games, drinking, and partying, and gossiping. The boss told me that I’ll be fine, and that after a few years, people moving on and leaving would stop bothering me and I wouldn’t get so attached. I hope he’s right – because you know how much I hate people leaving.

Whenever I reach a phase in my life, when things should be stable and straight forward, and I start to think – oh hey, maybe I can get a breather, new uncertainties haunt me. It’s a pattern, which repeats itself such as the chaos is about to clear. Maybe I should stop wishing for simplicity – maybe if I can convince myself that it’ll just be too dull, I will stop wanting it so bad.

Told the boss I need time off, and have extended the Labor Day holiday into a long weekend. Plans are to laze by the beach, pamper self at the spa, recharge by the water sports, and get a change of scene. Bookings have been confirmed, and all that remains is the count down. I also plan to forget my hand phone at home.

Coming Sunday, I fly off to Manila! When I’d gone down to the Philippines Embassy, something reminded me of my teenage crush. A Filipino guy - cute, popular, friendly, and funny – oh how I adored AB! Do people still have crushes these days? It seems so passé!

On a more cheerful note, an hour ago, I spoke to the mother about coming home later in May, when the bro will be home too. I also told her that I’m booking us into a full day spa treatment, which she’ll just have to come for, no questions asked, as we leave the men behind at home. I love how I can order everyone around at home!

Seeing as I have plenty to look forward to, things aren’t looking too bad! It’s the damn book, I tell you.