I am out of titles

The mother is gone. The brother is gone. The boy will soon be gone.

Don’t feel bad for me, because I have plans, big big plans to fill my time. And they are kick-ass plans, mind you!

Mom was here for two weeks and it was quite a ride. There were days when I loved having them here, and days when I stayed at office till late just so that I could have some quiet time and hear myself thing. As expected, there was the nagging – I eat unhealthy food, I am too fat and none of my clothes look nice on me, I should sleep earlier, I should not stay on the comp 24/7, I should wake up 10 mins early and do yoga, I should think seriously about my relationships and bring to her in 1 year, a boy who’d wanna tie the knot in 2-3 years time. So for 2 weeks I slept early, ate healthy and assured her that I know about the boy tree and when the time is right, I’ll go and pluck a ripe one and bring to her. She was amused, but reiterated herself, hoping I’d get the point. I laughed and repeated myself, hoping to do the same. I don’t know why we must discuss things that won’t happen for another 3-4 years at least. The MBA was mentioned on average once a day.

But it wasn’t all bad! It was great having her over…someone to open the door when you have had a long day at work and ask how your day was. Hot breakfast and a forced glass of milk, hot dinner, lots of catching up. She helped me manage the things in the house I hadn’t had a chance to and made it look much like home. She also cooked a superb lunch for 20 of my friends with the limited pots and pans in the house and didn’t complain for a second! Lots of shopping, lots of eating out, lots of spoiling the little brother.

I’m not a horrible horrible person who hates her family! I love them to bits! Just that I do crave my quiet time sometimes and it drives me up the wall when I cant have that for a whole two weeks. I am however, proud that I did not have a single argument with her. Technically. Okay, so the MBA and marriage talk doesn’t count.

2 weeks I lived every free hour for them
1.5 weeks now I’ll live the free hours for/with the boy.

After nearly a month of borrowed time, I’ll have some of my own.

Things to look forward to:

- Rakhi at home this year, in a month’s time!
- Training for the 10K run in October
- Training to improve time for the 10K run in Dec
- Trip to London in December! (yes, most probably the Australia trip would be changed to London trip. Reason: cuz Australia would be too hot, and might as well stay in Singapore instead of shelling out the cash for that weather. Yes, believe me, that’s the only reason! )
- Salsa (it’s about time!)
- CIMA (it’s about time too!!)

In order to curb my thinking right here, (before I enter the “you think too much” territory) I shall go and read Half of a Yellow Sun, which FYI, is an excellent book. You must all read it! Go now, go go!

Hella Good

It’s amazing how with just a few strokes of keys, one can shrug off so much. Neat and measured deletions – and just like that, it’s gone. Sometimes, you gotta love the computer for keeping things so impersonal. If you hit the right ones, you never run the risk of stumbling upon what you’d hidden away from yourself.

I’m reading Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, so pardon me if I sound like I’m far away. I still remember her poetry from high school days – it was too disturbing for our impressionable minds, and to date, I remember Tulips, Lazy Lazarus, Daddy, etc. and how every analysis somehow lead to her depression and suicide attempts. Disturbing, but beautiful. Sigh. This is her only novel, and is just as remarkable as her poems. Unfortunately, it leaves one almost devoid of life, much like the protagonist.

Plenty of changes taking place these days; my good friend and team mate from work is serving the last 2 weeks of his notice, before he leaves to pursue his real interest - writing. My manager, is also serving her notice. She will leave the company in about 3 weeks. Her extensive knowledge of the business and 10 years of experience is something I doubt many people can match. Neither can they match her caring and understanding nature, and her willingness to indulge in our silly games, drinking, and partying, and gossiping. The boss told me that I’ll be fine, and that after a few years, people moving on and leaving would stop bothering me and I wouldn’t get so attached. I hope he’s right – because you know how much I hate people leaving.

Whenever I reach a phase in my life, when things should be stable and straight forward, and I start to think – oh hey, maybe I can get a breather, new uncertainties haunt me. It’s a pattern, which repeats itself such as the chaos is about to clear. Maybe I should stop wishing for simplicity – maybe if I can convince myself that it’ll just be too dull, I will stop wanting it so bad.

Told the boss I need time off, and have extended the Labor Day holiday into a long weekend. Plans are to laze by the beach, pamper self at the spa, recharge by the water sports, and get a change of scene. Bookings have been confirmed, and all that remains is the count down. I also plan to forget my hand phone at home.

Coming Sunday, I fly off to Manila! When I’d gone down to the Philippines Embassy, something reminded me of my teenage crush. A Filipino guy - cute, popular, friendly, and funny – oh how I adored AB! Do people still have crushes these days? It seems so passé!

On a more cheerful note, an hour ago, I spoke to the mother about coming home later in May, when the bro will be home too. I also told her that I’m booking us into a full day spa treatment, which she’ll just have to come for, no questions asked, as we leave the men behind at home. I love how I can order everyone around at home!

Seeing as I have plenty to look forward to, things aren’t looking too bad! It’s the damn book, I tell you.

TOYS R US!

Time: 10:00 am
Breakfast: Chocolate chunk granola bar


I came in the office a full 15 mins later than my usual time – and the office is still half empty (or half full, whatever you prefer). I wonder if everyone else was reading a book as interesting as mine that they ended up sleeping late as well. I picked up “Three Cups of Tea” from Borders last weekend, and it comes with a beautiful one line description: “One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One school at a Time.” It’s the perfect book for the state of mind I’ve been in recently.

It gives one some perspective, and take another look at their growing list of material worries – and hang their head in shame. It’s not a feel good book though – nor is it a piece of literature. It’s a narration of a man who tried to climb K2 – failed – raised money – to go back and build schools for the village girls in Pakistan/Afghanistan. I can’t say what I love more – the scenery, the man’s unbeatable spirit, or the mountain climbing stories. Sigh. I was willing to miss by stop just so I could finish a chapter.

In my moment of inspiration, I have sent some emails. If all goes well, I’ll be in Laos this summer, working on a project to provide clean drinking water. Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

On a more cheerful note, we are moving to our old/new office on Monday – which means today will be spent packing our stuff, and we have to empty the office by 6. The girlies and I shall head out then for some fine wine and dining and more wine. Packing promises to be fun, as I have the most interesting desk at the moment – decorated with toys. Yes, I repeat, toys. Happy Meal toys to be precise. My very thoughtful boss needs his evening snack, and religiously buys a McDonalds Happy Meal – and awards the toy to me. (Yes, I have told him many times that I am not 5!!!) There are these really ugly Bionicle thingis, an even uglier hello kitty, a pink doll + closet, a beanie baby type teddy bear, and a whole menagerie of others. Sigh. In my defense, I didn’t buy or ask for, or want, any of those. (Oh, but my prized possession is a pair of devil’s horns, which I absolutely love)

You can stop giving me funny looks now.

Boss, I quit!

I haven’t written in a while, I realize; and although nothing noteworthy has happened, I just feel this need to recap. Don’t ask!

* Work’s been crazy busy – and the usually good natured individuals of my team have turned into ill-tempered, frustrated, over-worked zombies, who are ready to bite anyone who gets in their way. Pleasant, proper English has been replaced by a colorful dialect, spoken by both employees and managers. We don’t discriminate! The only good thing is that even during these stressful times, the team stands to support each other – rather than snapping at each other. Even if it means canceling drinks on a Friday – to keep someone company, who’s file crashes just as she was about to send it off.

* I’ve seen some bad days myself – classic being the day I met my mentor for our regular sessions, and I oh-so-casually said “I was thinking of quitting yesterday. But I couldn’t look for other jobs online, cuz I was on a call till late night.” Imagine the man’s surprise as he tries to calm down the same girl, who, 2 months ago, had told him how much she loved her job. Oh well, we all have our days.

* V-day saw me in the office till 1145pm with my entire team. We did however, have dinner together, and happily expensed it on the company. Cocktails n all. Whoopdidoo. Let’s not forget, though, that I did have my fair share of flowers and chocolates and the like.

* V-day was also the Little One’s birthday, and I conveniently misplaced his phone no. I am such a horrible sister! I had to get his phone number from his room-mates sister, who happens to be one of my closest high school friends. (Yeah, coincidence!)

* The 4 day weekend was spent indulging in one or more of the following – sleeping, eating, drinking, bumming, couch-potato-ing, and doing nothing useful. For the entire 4 days.

*Well, 3 actually. On the last day, I got out of my lazy mode, and went to the nearest mall on a whim. I spent 2 hours in a bookstore checking out books on everything – from photography to self help to management to cooking, and then finally settled in a cozy corner near the Literature section. I scanned through a few pages of “Who Moved My Blackberry”, which was hilarious! It’s a hilarious compilation of a marketing executives emails to family, friends, and the bosses. 8 months into the corporate world and I could appreciate the humor in the book and the mockery of corporate jargon! I swear, I was laughing out loud to myself! I finally left with Milan Kundera’s Laughable Loves, which I am loving absolutely. More on that later!

* At this very moment, I am thinking of why I allow myself to get involved in things which I know will result in me being confused/angry/upset or all 3. I absolutely ignore the little voice in my head that says “If you want to sleep peacefully tonight, do NOT do this!!!”

* Knowing what’s the right thing to do, and doing it, are two very different things. poles apart. Sigh.

*So yeah, life’s been okay – from the dumps of late nights at work, to the absolutely high from alcohol and good times with friends.

I’m not complaining. I guess.

Milk & Toast

***Post from Sunday Night***

I love little quirks in people – the small yet strange things that people do, for no particular reason, and are usually unique to particular individuals. I find them rather endearing and cute! For example, my dad has to comb his hair before going to bed. It’s another thing that he doesn’t have much of it left! Rosty can’t stand if it someone takes a bite from his burger and ruins its symmetry. Yes, the burger has to be eaten symmetrically – only God knows how! I absolutely hate it if someone squeezes the toothpaste out of the tube from the middle, leaving a huge dent in it! I mean how difficult is it – squeeze from the bottom!!! *okay, you get the idea* - so like I was saying, quirks are endearing. End of random thought.

Yet another Sunday night, full of determination and plans to 1. Wake up early; 2. Get to work on time; 3. Find the ten minutes in the morning to do yoga; 4. Be efficient on a Monday morning, refrain from whining/lamenting/procrastinating/bumming; 5. Stay focused; 6. Attain work-life balance. Blah blah blah

I just spoke to someone who’s been trying to attain work life balance for over 2 years now – and who’s in the same company. Looks like I have a long way to go…

The weekend’s been fun – too short, as always, but fun! Friday night was spent eating out, hanging out, and playing cards till the wee hours of the morning! Consequently, the Saturday started late in the afternoon, and was spent doing nothing fruitful! Not even laundry! The entire afternoon was spent lazing and chatting with one of the housemate’s friends who was visiting, and was leaving that day. After that, lazed more and watched an extremely dumb movie on DVD – My Super Ex-Girlfriend, or something along those lines. Not even worth the while on DVD! Gorged on Mexican food since I had the strongest craving for it, topped it up with some tequila, and called it a night! I’m getting too old, the nights are ending too early! I did however, flick a copy of The Tipping Point from Rosty’s office, and it’s a good read. Today I got up and in a burst of energy, cleaned the room, did laundry, and made a list of things to do. Then I got exhausted and had a long lunch with Blurry. During this long lunch, I was somehow convinced that I shouldn’t work on a Sunday and so headed out to Vivo City~ it’s a 10 minute ride from my place, and it actually feels like a mall! (I never enjoyed the malls in Singapore as much as the ones in Bkk! ) Watched The Departed, and loved it! Ohhhhhhh, it was twisted! A little too gory for my palette, but still worth the watch! Got home right after and out of guilt, did some work! *some* being the operative word here!

Now I should be ironing clothes for tomorrow morning, but I’m gonna read instead and eventually fall asleep! And wake up tomorrow morning, rush and curse myself for not ironing the night before. I’m used to it, thought. Some people just never learn!

Beneath the Wheel - Chapter 5

"When a tree is polled, it will sprout new shoots near its roots. A soul that is ruined in the bud will frequently return to the springtime of its beginnings and its promise-filled childhood, as though it could discover new hopes there and retie the broken threads of life. The shoots grow rapidly and eagerly, but it is only a sham life that will never be a genuine tree." - Beneath the Wheel, Herman Hesse.

Don't know how to describe how this makes me feel. Glad that someone put it down in words so well, or sad, that it's so true.