Money for nothing...

***Proud moment***

I made an omelet for dinner on my own, without breaking it. It looked like a normal omelet, and I am still alive an hour after eating it.

***End of Proud moment***

I guess that says a lot about my culinary skills, doesn’t it? My response to ma when she grumbles about my lack of grace in the kitchen, is “ hah, I can’t be good at everything now, can I?” Apart from rolling her eyes, she can’t do much, and I get off the hook!

I was talking to Blurry today and realized that people around me are so focused on money these days. It’s rather disturbing. I guess it has something to do with just starting our careers and paying bills with our hard earned cash (for most) as opposed to the scholarship or the transfer from dad that parked itself into the bank every beginning of the semester. But still, I liked to know that we had better measures for like than the dollar bills. Conversations lately are measured in rent, costs, furniture costs, taxi costs, GST for god’s sake, courses’ costs, blah blah blah. It all boils down to the single $ value that is put on things.

Maybe it’s the long term vs. the short. We’re rather myopic as so far we’ve only planned for a few years at a time. In middle school, you only looked as far as 4 years of high school. High school was spent planning the glorious university days (4 years). Freshmen year in university was spent planning a major, and by junior year, we were planning the final year projects. Finally, in senior year, we were looking for the jobs. Now, a few are still looking at only 3 years before the MBA. We got so used to planning for the short term, that I guess we don’t have a grasp of the long term. I got my first bite of that when my parents told me that losing the money was no big deal, and in 2 years time, it would seem like an insignificant amount. N I figured yeah, in a few years time, I wouldn’t care at all. This was the comforting thought that helped me sleep at night.

I also stopped thinking in my head that I need a better paying job that I won’t enjoy half as much, every time something went wrong at work or every time I heard of another apartment that I couldn’t afford. I finally internalized the fact that for a few hundred bucks less, I get the experience and the skills that I won’t find elsewhere. Now how do you put a value to that?

I like to think we’re not merely materialistic, but rather trying to survive on our own in the “real world” as they call it. It’s always a race to chasing that big $$$ amount for the MBA. Or to start up a business. Or for that car. And some cushioning in the bank in case the sky falls. I like to believe that this $ talk is only the survival instinct, but that underneath, we do know the things that matter to us. N a few odd bucks here and there don’t change that.

How do you breathe

I recently completed 10 months at my first job, and fortunately, I am not as dissatisfied as a lot of my peers with their respective job.

But a long lunch and insightful conversation with my colleagues got me thinking this Friday – about exactly how satisfying or fulfilling I find my job –

On bad days, I spend countless hours in meetings which are a complete waste of time; write a gazillion emails, and adding absolutely no value to the business, or to myself; drink far too many expensive lattes, watch everything go wrong; whine about everything that went wrong, and pack up and leave, feeling underpaid and over worked.

On good days, I lead meetings, influence people, make decisions, resolve issues, change the way things are done – and make a difference. I manage to have pleasant lunch breaks with colleagues/friends; manage half-decent meals, leave for the gym on time, and have a solid work out.

But at the end of the day – be it good or bad, what am I essentially doing? Adding value to the business? Gaining work experience? Honing my skills? Networking? So the company benefits from it, and I personally benefit from it. But something’s missing –

After 10 months, now that I have settled in, and am no longer overwhelmed by the size of the company or the extent of my job – I guess I can sit back and look at the whole picture. And I can put a finger on what is missing –

The non-material, external factor. Where it’s not about how much money I made or saved for the company, and in return how much they paid me! But if I actually made a difference in anyone’s life. It’s pathetic how I left student mentoring for inexcusable reasons such as thesis, job interviews, then the job itself, etc.

Some days, I go to bed thinking if this is all that I want to do in life. Other days I wonder if this is exactly what I don’t want to do. Most nights, I don’t know.

Maybe if I find that something which goes beyond my current grip, and makes me stand on my tip toes, and reach out, maybe then, it’ll all fall in place.

Till then, I can go to bed knowing that I haven’t sold my soul to the devil. Well, at least not yet.

This post doesn't deserve a title

Yesterday, at work I had to tell a woman that she’s made a mistake and it was going to cost her team dearly. I am horrible at confrontations. Maybe that’s why she didn’t sound worried at all. I hope she’s prepared for the music she’s going to face today – because she’s managed to annoy a whole flock of hot shots. This is the part of the job that I don’t like much – ugly confrontations. The corporate world is an ugly place, but one must wear pretty shoes here.

Salsa is old news, - not that I love it any less. But I need to start something new. I’m thinking tennis; foreign language ; another dance form ; gym ; guitar ; martial arts; rock climbing; yoga; accounting certification. Spoilt for choices – I am undecided. By next week, I should better enroll in something new. And find the time for it.

I am using far too many hyphens in my writing – they’re beginning to replace all punctuation marks. I don’t know how/why/where I picked up this habit but it is very recent, and mildly annoying. Maybe from work emails, which is the only form of coherent writing I have been doing lately. To do list and groceries list doesn’t count.

It’s a dull day outside, and inside. The gallons of coffee I drank isn’t doing me any good – except for the regular visits to the ladies. Looking at the bright side, at least I’m getting some form of exercise rather than sitting on my butt all day. As you can see, the dullness has now taken over my entire self, including the sense of humor, or the ability to think.

I wonder what it’d be like if I could play the drums. Maybe I should add that to my list of new things I want to take up. Don’t ask where these random thoughts are coming from. I am brain dead today, just humor me.

I wish I was working from home today. It’s the perfect day to be taking conf. calls in boxers, with a huge bowl of cereal and the phone on mute. Crunch crunch. Unmute. “I agree”. Mute. Crunch crunch. Unmute. “I think that yadiyadayaya, what are your thoughts on this.” Mute. Crunch away. Unmute. “Okay, agreed. So the next steps are blah blah blah blah. Timing I’m looking at is blah blah blah. Okay then, thank you.” Mute. Crunch crunch. Hang up.

I thought I’d check the news – but all I could find was how n why the stock market is doing real bad. My reaction - whoopdidoo.

In other news – I have received some tax forms. I am officially a grown up, paying for provident fund and taxes.

This sucks.