Somewhere I belong

I am typing this half sunk in my oh-so-comfortable bed at the Pen. and wondering if should bother getting up for dinner and a massage, or if I should just shut my eyes and sleep right away! I okay Manila, I don’t love it absolutely. Although, I have to say that it beats Singapore hands down when it comes to hospitality and gives Thailand some real competition in this field! I work with a lot of Filipinos and I used to wonder, how in the world can they be so nice and smiling all the time! Now, I’m in country surrounded by hundreds of these very sweet people! I think that gets rid of half the stress!

I didn’t get much sleep last nite because I was bumming around with friends, and only realized pretty late that my training actually started at 8! God knows how I made it to breakfast and past the training! *I yawned shamelessly so many times, I wanted to bury my head in the ground* The fact that the training was super dry and boring didn’t help either! So, instead of working late, I decided to come back to the hotel, change, and head out shopping! I was warned not to stay out too late, so I did my shopping at the mall nearby and just came back a few mins ago. I am now waiting for my colleague to pick me up, to go out for dinner and a much needed massage! If he doesn’t show up soon, I risk falling asleep in jeans with this laptop on my stomach!

I am not extending my trip anymore and am returning immediately after my meetings tomorrow. I had the option of staying longer, but I realize that there isn’t anything that’s keeping me here, holding me back, unlike China and HK! Like I said, I okay Manila. Its much like any Indian metro, plus a gazillion warnings to be careful, just like we warn our foreign friends when they go to India.

I don’t mind going back tomorrow – there is something that holds me back there.

The little one is back at home now and suddenly, I’m more homesick than ever! I want to go back, and I cant! With the team being reduced to nearly half its size, there’s more than enough work to be done ~ and the boss is already traveling. I don’t think I can go home before july! *sobs* work sucks!!! Wondering if I should make a quick weekend trip first, in May and then go for a longer break later!

But before that, I gotta go back tomorrow, survive the week, pack my bags, and go off on my long long weekend!

*stares away in space and day dreams of the beach*

Hella Good

It’s amazing how with just a few strokes of keys, one can shrug off so much. Neat and measured deletions – and just like that, it’s gone. Sometimes, you gotta love the computer for keeping things so impersonal. If you hit the right ones, you never run the risk of stumbling upon what you’d hidden away from yourself.

I’m reading Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, so pardon me if I sound like I’m far away. I still remember her poetry from high school days – it was too disturbing for our impressionable minds, and to date, I remember Tulips, Lazy Lazarus, Daddy, etc. and how every analysis somehow lead to her depression and suicide attempts. Disturbing, but beautiful. Sigh. This is her only novel, and is just as remarkable as her poems. Unfortunately, it leaves one almost devoid of life, much like the protagonist.

Plenty of changes taking place these days; my good friend and team mate from work is serving the last 2 weeks of his notice, before he leaves to pursue his real interest - writing. My manager, is also serving her notice. She will leave the company in about 3 weeks. Her extensive knowledge of the business and 10 years of experience is something I doubt many people can match. Neither can they match her caring and understanding nature, and her willingness to indulge in our silly games, drinking, and partying, and gossiping. The boss told me that I’ll be fine, and that after a few years, people moving on and leaving would stop bothering me and I wouldn’t get so attached. I hope he’s right – because you know how much I hate people leaving.

Whenever I reach a phase in my life, when things should be stable and straight forward, and I start to think – oh hey, maybe I can get a breather, new uncertainties haunt me. It’s a pattern, which repeats itself such as the chaos is about to clear. Maybe I should stop wishing for simplicity – maybe if I can convince myself that it’ll just be too dull, I will stop wanting it so bad.

Told the boss I need time off, and have extended the Labor Day holiday into a long weekend. Plans are to laze by the beach, pamper self at the spa, recharge by the water sports, and get a change of scene. Bookings have been confirmed, and all that remains is the count down. I also plan to forget my hand phone at home.

Coming Sunday, I fly off to Manila! When I’d gone down to the Philippines Embassy, something reminded me of my teenage crush. A Filipino guy - cute, popular, friendly, and funny – oh how I adored AB! Do people still have crushes these days? It seems so passé!

On a more cheerful note, an hour ago, I spoke to the mother about coming home later in May, when the bro will be home too. I also told her that I’m booking us into a full day spa treatment, which she’ll just have to come for, no questions asked, as we leave the men behind at home. I love how I can order everyone around at home!

Seeing as I have plenty to look forward to, things aren’t looking too bad! It’s the damn book, I tell you.

Motivate Me...

I gathered up the courage to go on a bike ride, for the second time in my life. The first time was 18 years ago. I am very proud of my achievement.

I promised myself I won’t drink this weekend, and managed a 66.67% success rate. I did drink on Friday, but that’s excusable, since it was super smart and super sexy Sherene’s birthday party! She, btw, was an amazing hostess, busy attending to all her guests, even when she was the guest of honor!!! And before R kills me, I must say that he deserves the credit for pulling together a great surprise party at his place for the lovely gf!

I also managed to watch The Namesake, which I loved absolutely. I always prefer the book to the movie, and this one’s no different. But I don’t think anyone would have been able to paint the book on the screen better than Mira Nair. For someone who hadn’t read the book before, it might have seemed a little disjointed, as she tried to squeeze the entire book in just two hours of screenplay. The acting, however, made up for this little flaw! Oh, and Kal Penn’s kindaa cute, and can pull off a non-comic role pretty darn well!

Friday was the most eventful day, and it all went downhill from there. I slept a lot, but disturbed sleep just adds to the fatigue, rather than curing it. When bothered by something, I seek comfort in buying pretty things, which don’t look so great by the time I get home. I swear, it’s as if during the 15 mins that I take to come home from the mall, the fit, the size, the color, all transforms into something hideous!

The boss is back tomorrow, and I’m not ready to face the music, yet. I want to find a corner and become invisible. Sigh. I was so unproductive all of last week! I just hope that it was a passing phase, and it’ll all be okay from tomorrow.

Its late on a Sunday night and I’m too blah right now, as is evident from this post. But tomorrow is Monday, the start of yet another week. Sigh. You know what I mean…

All that she wants

It’s well past midnight and although I’m extremely tired, I’m far from sleepy. A whole lot of things are gnawing at the back of my head, keeping me awake, and cranky. When all failed, I figured I might as well pen them down. It usually helps me get rid of fighting issues one by one, laying them out and then sitting back to see the whole picture. The fact that this space is not as anonymous as it once was does not bother me - I don’t feel the need to be hiding in the comfort of anonymity anymore. I don’t need a disclaimer, but still – this is not me whining. This is me just lending my worries to this space, so I can make way for sleep.

*The fact that I don’t have a specific goal in my career, and it is up to me to define it, both exhilarating and scary. While I have the freedom to choose between aiming to do well in this assignment, working for a short term in this company, and planning my career with it, I can’t seem to settle on one to work hard towards. So far, I had milestones at specific time intervals – high school – 4 years – university – 4 years, and I knew what I wanted to get out of each of those. Now, I don’t know where I want to place the next milestone for my career. 2 years? 3 years? 10 years? Its all very exciting, but at the moment, I’m too overwhelmed to appreciate this freedom.

*I wish I did something more meaningful at times. No leads on Laos yet. Sigh.

*Why don’t I have the willpower to stop using food as a comfort object during tough times ~ and lose a few pounds that I know I can do without. There are no healthy options near the office, and I have inherited my love for food from both my parents. Living in a country where girls are 99% skinny – it’s tough sometimes to feel all that great about yourself. And when the weighing scale at the gym, mocks your sweaty work out – it isn’t funny!!!

*Where will I be living in two months time? I need a new house since the landlord wants this place back; 2 out of 4 of us are uncertain about whether they will still need to be in Singapore after June, so I don’t know if we should look for a place for 2 or 4. I know I know, I shouldn’t worry so much about things I don’t have control over, but I do anyways.

*I want to travel – while I still can, commitment free. I wish that I had company to travel, with people who were at the same frequency at me. The Genting trip was cancelled – due to unfortunate and unforeseen immigration and important commitments. I understand, but I am frustrated that I spend the CNY weekend AND this long weekend in town, doing nothing different. I have resolved that I am going to start traveling alone – one can always use quality time with themselves, and can never make enough friends!

*I wonder if I’ll ever have a relationship that was not perpetually shadowed by clouds of uncertainly. Or distance. Always. Because I don’t think I can keep looking out for the silver lining. One can’t always see it, you know. I didn’t know that a simple one would be so hard to come across. I might see a faint silver if I squint hard enough.

* I don’t want to feel bad about not having savings. I pay all my bills, a huge CPF, and paying for more than 50% of my college education, by forcefully taking a uni loan, and now repaying it myself. Throw in the few expensive presents for the family that I always wanted to get them, and finally have the means to, and splurge on myself once in a while on myself. Complete financial independence – check. The right “to own that ridiculously high pair of shoes, and many other “non-sensible” pretty things” earned? – Check.

*I wish I knew how to manage my time better so I could accommodate all that I wish to do in the 24 hours that is a day. Because days go by and months change without warning, and I am way off some personal goals. I am not pleased with myself.

I should now go to bed – hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll find half of my worries, if not all, juvenile and worth a good laugh.

And buy something new – to add to the collection of “things I could’ve lived without”

TOYS R US!

Time: 10:00 am
Breakfast: Chocolate chunk granola bar


I came in the office a full 15 mins later than my usual time – and the office is still half empty (or half full, whatever you prefer). I wonder if everyone else was reading a book as interesting as mine that they ended up sleeping late as well. I picked up “Three Cups of Tea” from Borders last weekend, and it comes with a beautiful one line description: “One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One school at a Time.” It’s the perfect book for the state of mind I’ve been in recently.

It gives one some perspective, and take another look at their growing list of material worries – and hang their head in shame. It’s not a feel good book though – nor is it a piece of literature. It’s a narration of a man who tried to climb K2 – failed – raised money – to go back and build schools for the village girls in Pakistan/Afghanistan. I can’t say what I love more – the scenery, the man’s unbeatable spirit, or the mountain climbing stories. Sigh. I was willing to miss by stop just so I could finish a chapter.

In my moment of inspiration, I have sent some emails. If all goes well, I’ll be in Laos this summer, working on a project to provide clean drinking water. Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

On a more cheerful note, we are moving to our old/new office on Monday – which means today will be spent packing our stuff, and we have to empty the office by 6. The girlies and I shall head out then for some fine wine and dining and more wine. Packing promises to be fun, as I have the most interesting desk at the moment – decorated with toys. Yes, I repeat, toys. Happy Meal toys to be precise. My very thoughtful boss needs his evening snack, and religiously buys a McDonalds Happy Meal – and awards the toy to me. (Yes, I have told him many times that I am not 5!!!) There are these really ugly Bionicle thingis, an even uglier hello kitty, a pink doll + closet, a beanie baby type teddy bear, and a whole menagerie of others. Sigh. In my defense, I didn’t buy or ask for, or want, any of those. (Oh, but my prized possession is a pair of devil’s horns, which I absolutely love)

You can stop giving me funny looks now.

How do you breathe

I recently completed 10 months at my first job, and fortunately, I am not as dissatisfied as a lot of my peers with their respective job.

But a long lunch and insightful conversation with my colleagues got me thinking this Friday – about exactly how satisfying or fulfilling I find my job –

On bad days, I spend countless hours in meetings which are a complete waste of time; write a gazillion emails, and adding absolutely no value to the business, or to myself; drink far too many expensive lattes, watch everything go wrong; whine about everything that went wrong, and pack up and leave, feeling underpaid and over worked.

On good days, I lead meetings, influence people, make decisions, resolve issues, change the way things are done – and make a difference. I manage to have pleasant lunch breaks with colleagues/friends; manage half-decent meals, leave for the gym on time, and have a solid work out.

But at the end of the day – be it good or bad, what am I essentially doing? Adding value to the business? Gaining work experience? Honing my skills? Networking? So the company benefits from it, and I personally benefit from it. But something’s missing –

After 10 months, now that I have settled in, and am no longer overwhelmed by the size of the company or the extent of my job – I guess I can sit back and look at the whole picture. And I can put a finger on what is missing –

The non-material, external factor. Where it’s not about how much money I made or saved for the company, and in return how much they paid me! But if I actually made a difference in anyone’s life. It’s pathetic how I left student mentoring for inexcusable reasons such as thesis, job interviews, then the job itself, etc.

Some days, I go to bed thinking if this is all that I want to do in life. Other days I wonder if this is exactly what I don’t want to do. Most nights, I don’t know.

Maybe if I find that something which goes beyond my current grip, and makes me stand on my tip toes, and reach out, maybe then, it’ll all fall in place.

Till then, I can go to bed knowing that I haven’t sold my soul to the devil. Well, at least not yet.

It's all Pappy's Fault!

So, I made an SMS boo boo this morning as I hit the wrong name on my list and there went my sms - to the wrong person. I thought I'd die of embarressment at first, but now I find it funny. Oh, and I'm denying it ever happening. I didn't do it - hah! Pappy did. The fact that Pappy couldn't have used my phone at 940 am simply because he's on the other side of the city, is absolutely irrelevant. I didnt do it - He did! (I should tell Pappy about what he's allegedly done!) *winks*

In other news, I'm going on a road trip soon! Probably to Genting or somewhere - destination doesnt matter, the company does. And I'm going with a kick-ass group of people! I can't wait for the Good Friday weekend!

Sandy's coming back from New Zealand, finally. It's about time - people shouldn't be gone long, it annoys me. Then I miss then, and then I get angry at them cuz they're gone and missing them makes me sappy. So, when I do speak to them, I spend half the time yelling at them, for being gone! Yes, even I don't see the logic, so don't try! I just hate people who go away.

Stupid Sandy is coming for a few days, before he goes off to his glam job in London. What the @#$%^&?!?!?! Like I said, I get annoyed when people go away. This also means that the members of the club that calls me "Princess" is depleting fast! (Yes, I am that bratty!)

Nothing else is new! It's a Tuesday like any other.

To "S"

12 years ago –

I wasn’t exactly a timid kid – I was always outgoing, giggly and loud. But life had gone through a few unexpected turns. I had moved to Thailand with family, but because of the different education system there, I had to come back to India to complete my 6th grade. Within a month’s time, I returned to Calcutta, a city i’d only been to once before, to spend the next 6 months living with an aunt, and completing her 6th grade. It was a new city, new school, new education system, and a new family that I had to adapt to – and catch up on a semesters worth of study material – all in 10 days.

I made new friends in the neighborhood and school, and since a lot of them lived in my block, my school friends and home friends were the same. S was one of them. S – a skinny guy, with a bright smile and a huge heart. He lived in my block and was in my class as well. Since he was a bright kid, the teachers asked him to lend me his notebooks to catch up on the previous semesters work. We became good friends, and soon I was part of the gang – we hung out, played stupid games, ate junk from hawkers and lived the typical 11 year olds life. Except that I had a personal flock of bullies, and no one else did. Sigh. I had to take after school tuition lessons for a few days to catch up on the previous semesters work in the new school, and everyday, as I’d return home at 6pm, a gang of boys would be playing cricket outside my block. And the minute they’re see my approach, they’d whistle, and tease one of their guy friends about me. no big deal, I think now. But back then, it was a huge deal. 7 guys against 1 girl – that too, new. Back then, I was not the type who’d just look them straight in the eye and tell them to fuck off. I wish I had. I would jus keep a straight face and wake right up to my house. I remember how much I dreaded it and how everyday while I walked back from my lessons, as I’d turn the corner to my street, I’d pray that the boys had chosen a different place to hang out. And my heart would sink as I’d spot them from far, and the jokes on me would begin. No one said anything directly to, but they said everything to V, a stupid dumbfuck of a guy, about me. Like “there comes your heartthrob” blah blah some stupid shit like that. Amazingly, stupid shit like that can bully a little girl. Anyways, back to the story. One fine day, S happened to be around when the guys started their usual chit chat as they saw me approach. (the boys were from my grade in school btw, where they pretended like nothing was going on.) And he heard them. I think later in the evening when we were hanging out, he mentioned that and I burst out crying. (yes, again, little girls are sensitive) I hated Calcutta, I hated living there, and I hated being bullied everyday and not being able to tell anyone. Didn’t wanna create trouble for my uncle/aunt, and didn’t wanna worry the parents. Few days after, he heard them say something to me again and he went n told them off. Some guy stuff, which I didn’t hear. But he got the point across. And they stopped eventually. They knew I was part of the other gang, S and his friends, my friends, and rule of the neighborhood – everyone stays within their territories and doesn’t bother the others. I was relieved beyond relief –I remember being able to walk back home and not worry. It all seems so silly now, so juvenile. But I guess when you are 11, such things matter the most. S was always nice to me, not in a “I’m hitting on you” way, but “i’s new – i’s not with family, let’s make sure i doesn’t get homesick” way. They adored me, my attempts at Bengali, and at wearing a sari at durga puja. S would walk back home with us after school and he had a bicycle and I’d walk back (the school was that near), and another girl and I would dump our bag on his bike and walk off, and he never said no. I dunno why I remember such little things. But he’s one of the few people I remember from Calcutta. I hated those 6 months of my life, and if it weren’t for S and the gang, I’d have been miserable throughout.

Today – I found him on Orkut. As much as I hate orkut, I am glad for this one thing. I remember trying to look for him earlier, but never finding him, and this time I did. I msged him and wondered if he remembered me, and he did.

I doubt we’ll have much to talk about today- if at all. We had a brief friendship of 6 months, and then a 12 year gap. I think a quick chat is all that we’ll be able to manage , and then it’ll be forgotten. But I ll remember those days, and I’ll remember S. That was one of the most difficult time of my life, being jolted out of my comfort zone and thrown into a whole new world, which I grew to hate. Thanks S, for at least now I have some fond memories of those 6 months.

p.s. this is the longest post ever!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..."

I went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend, and I am very pleased with myself. I have developed this new tendency to shop – and do that non stop, when I’m nervous about the turns of life. Thankfully, not many things make me nervous enough these days to go swipe plastic everywhere. Else, I’d be in so much trouble!

Its been a kick-ass Monday. Yes, I just used the words Kick ass and Monday in the same sentence. The boss is away on business trip, to a place where the time zone is in our favor – so that his working hours and our starting/break/lunch hours clash perfectly. Therefore, he can never find us! We are gonna savor every minute of the next 3 days! Don’t get me wrong, we love our boss. It’s just that these days we’re all so swamped, and his requests, typically “things that shouldn’t take more than 15” actually do – and they are never ending. Before we know it, its 6pm and we haven’t touched a thing on our to do list. I was surprisingly chirpy today – and got tons done. Just to make it better, my very girly, retro dress, was a hit at the office!

I continued the shopping spree from yesterday and went to buy some more gym stuff – shorts, tees, and a gym bag! Now I have no excuse to not go! Sobs!

I bet if I’d read my horoscope today, it’d have read “BEWARE!! do not make any financial transactions today – or else your wallet will burst into flames!” I tried to expense my corporate card bill and realized that the hotel had double charged me. called them up, and the manager called back and apologized for their boo boo. Tried to pay bills online (there are so many bills that its not even funny!) and the internet kept disconnecting as I hit “confirm” I might just have paid my phone bill 5 times. Argh! N my credit card company fucked up my account statement and was charging me an odd 500 bucks extra. It really isn’t a good day for bills.

I need a holiday – doing grown uppy things is tiring! Plans for the Good Friday weekend are floating about and I am very excited. Mom might be coming by for a week sometime soon too! I have to make the Manila trip happen somehow, and some friends from work and I are planning on a backpacking trip to India! Planning holidays is so much more fun than setting accounts, paying bills, and figuring out that you have no money left!

I’m just in an usually good mood – and I shall go to bed grinning like Cheshire cat now!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..." - Long December, Counting Crows

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..."

I went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend, and I am very pleased with myself. I have developed this new tendency to shop – and do that non stop, when I’m nervous about the turns of life. Thankfully, not many things make me nervous enough these days to go swipe plastic everywhere. Else, I’d be in so much trouble!

Its been a kick-ass Monday. Yes, I just used the words Kick ass and Monday in the same sentence. The boss is away on business trip, to a place where the time zone is in our favor – so that his working hours and our starting/break/lunch hours clash perfectly. Therefore, he can never find us! We are gonna savor every minute of the next 3 days! Don’t get me wrong, we love our boss. It’s just that these days we’re all so swamped, and his requests, typically “things that shouldn’t take more than 15” actually do – and they are never ending. Before we know it, its 6pm and we haven’t touched a thing on our to do list. I was surprisingly chirpy today – and got tons done. Just to make it better, my very girly, retro dress, was a hit at the office!

I continued the shopping spree from yesterday and went to buy some more gym stuff – shorts, tees, and a gym bag! Now I have no excuse to not go! Sobs!

I bet if I’d read my horoscope today, it’d have read “BEWARE!! do not make any financial transactions today – or else your wallet will burst into flames!” I tried to expense my corporate card bill and realized that the hotel had double charged me. called them up, and the manager called back and apologized for their boo boo. Tried to pay bills online (there are so many bills that its not even funny!) and the internet kept disconnecting as I hit “confirm” I might just have paid my phone bill 5 times. Argh! N my credit card company fucked up my account statement and was charging me an odd 500 bucks extra. It really isn’t a good day for bills.

I need a holiday – doing grown uppy things is tiring! Plans for the Good Friday weekend are floating about and I am very excited. Mom might be coming by for a week sometime soon too! I have to make the Manila trip happen somehow, and some friends from work and I are planning on a backpacking trip to India! Planning holidays is so much more fun than setting accounts, paying bills, and figuring out that you have no money left!

I’m just in an usually good mood – and I shall go to bed grinning like Cheshire cat now!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..." - Long December, Counting Crows

This post doesn't deserve a title

Yesterday, at work I had to tell a woman that she’s made a mistake and it was going to cost her team dearly. I am horrible at confrontations. Maybe that’s why she didn’t sound worried at all. I hope she’s prepared for the music she’s going to face today – because she’s managed to annoy a whole flock of hot shots. This is the part of the job that I don’t like much – ugly confrontations. The corporate world is an ugly place, but one must wear pretty shoes here.

Salsa is old news, - not that I love it any less. But I need to start something new. I’m thinking tennis; foreign language ; another dance form ; gym ; guitar ; martial arts; rock climbing; yoga; accounting certification. Spoilt for choices – I am undecided. By next week, I should better enroll in something new. And find the time for it.

I am using far too many hyphens in my writing – they’re beginning to replace all punctuation marks. I don’t know how/why/where I picked up this habit but it is very recent, and mildly annoying. Maybe from work emails, which is the only form of coherent writing I have been doing lately. To do list and groceries list doesn’t count.

It’s a dull day outside, and inside. The gallons of coffee I drank isn’t doing me any good – except for the regular visits to the ladies. Looking at the bright side, at least I’m getting some form of exercise rather than sitting on my butt all day. As you can see, the dullness has now taken over my entire self, including the sense of humor, or the ability to think.

I wonder what it’d be like if I could play the drums. Maybe I should add that to my list of new things I want to take up. Don’t ask where these random thoughts are coming from. I am brain dead today, just humor me.

I wish I was working from home today. It’s the perfect day to be taking conf. calls in boxers, with a huge bowl of cereal and the phone on mute. Crunch crunch. Unmute. “I agree”. Mute. Crunch crunch. Unmute. “I think that yadiyadayaya, what are your thoughts on this.” Mute. Crunch away. Unmute. “Okay, agreed. So the next steps are blah blah blah blah. Timing I’m looking at is blah blah blah. Okay then, thank you.” Mute. Crunch crunch. Hang up.

I thought I’d check the news – but all I could find was how n why the stock market is doing real bad. My reaction - whoopdidoo.

In other news – I have received some tax forms. I am officially a grown up, paying for provident fund and taxes.

This sucks.

The 100th Post

Forever is probably the shortest duration of time. –

Have u ever caught the whiff of a passerby’s perfume, which made you stop in your tracks – because it’s a fragrance so close to your heart. Did you search for the owner you knew so well, only to discover that it’s been stolen by a total stranger. Were you also betrayed by your senses?

Have you ever gone so far down memory lane that you can’t remember how you got there? Did you manage to find your way out? Did you want to?

I have. Several times. Sometimes I came out smiling; others, biting my tongue to hold them within.

And you?

Boss, I quit!

I haven’t written in a while, I realize; and although nothing noteworthy has happened, I just feel this need to recap. Don’t ask!

* Work’s been crazy busy – and the usually good natured individuals of my team have turned into ill-tempered, frustrated, over-worked zombies, who are ready to bite anyone who gets in their way. Pleasant, proper English has been replaced by a colorful dialect, spoken by both employees and managers. We don’t discriminate! The only good thing is that even during these stressful times, the team stands to support each other – rather than snapping at each other. Even if it means canceling drinks on a Friday – to keep someone company, who’s file crashes just as she was about to send it off.

* I’ve seen some bad days myself – classic being the day I met my mentor for our regular sessions, and I oh-so-casually said “I was thinking of quitting yesterday. But I couldn’t look for other jobs online, cuz I was on a call till late night.” Imagine the man’s surprise as he tries to calm down the same girl, who, 2 months ago, had told him how much she loved her job. Oh well, we all have our days.

* V-day saw me in the office till 1145pm with my entire team. We did however, have dinner together, and happily expensed it on the company. Cocktails n all. Whoopdidoo. Let’s not forget, though, that I did have my fair share of flowers and chocolates and the like.

* V-day was also the Little One’s birthday, and I conveniently misplaced his phone no. I am such a horrible sister! I had to get his phone number from his room-mates sister, who happens to be one of my closest high school friends. (Yeah, coincidence!)

* The 4 day weekend was spent indulging in one or more of the following – sleeping, eating, drinking, bumming, couch-potato-ing, and doing nothing useful. For the entire 4 days.

*Well, 3 actually. On the last day, I got out of my lazy mode, and went to the nearest mall on a whim. I spent 2 hours in a bookstore checking out books on everything – from photography to self help to management to cooking, and then finally settled in a cozy corner near the Literature section. I scanned through a few pages of “Who Moved My Blackberry”, which was hilarious! It’s a hilarious compilation of a marketing executives emails to family, friends, and the bosses. 8 months into the corporate world and I could appreciate the humor in the book and the mockery of corporate jargon! I swear, I was laughing out loud to myself! I finally left with Milan Kundera’s Laughable Loves, which I am loving absolutely. More on that later!

* At this very moment, I am thinking of why I allow myself to get involved in things which I know will result in me being confused/angry/upset or all 3. I absolutely ignore the little voice in my head that says “If you want to sleep peacefully tonight, do NOT do this!!!”

* Knowing what’s the right thing to do, and doing it, are two very different things. poles apart. Sigh.

*So yeah, life’s been okay – from the dumps of late nights at work, to the absolutely high from alcohol and good times with friends.

I’m not complaining. I guess.

Hong Kong Diaries - Part I

The magic that is Disney...

China Diaries - Part I

I type this from my hotel bed, on my second night in China. The room does not have wireless and the broadband cable is on the desk – thus this post will be published much later.

2 days in China and I’m loving it. I’m in Guangzhou, which isn’t as modernized or commercial as Shanghai, or as historical and preserved as Beijing, but it’s a mélange of the two.

The weather - pleasantly cool at 11-14 degrees, but the wind makes your teeth chatter as you walk along the roads after dark. I am envious of them Chinese women, in their over coats and their boots, but I don’t find it essential, as it is really not THAT cold after all! A thin couple of layers of clothes serve me just fine, and once indoors, it’s rather warm. It’s a welcome change from the monotony of gray days and rain in Singapore lately!

The city has an uncanny resemblance to Delhi, and if it wasn’t for the signboards that are in Chinese (of course), and the oriental faces, one could look around and think they were in Delhi. High rise buildings and crumbling old apartments, flyovers, and slum-like housing, neon-lighted malls, and small shops – its got everything. Guangzhou isn’t much of a tourist destination, but it is a booming city with several MNC’s. Cab’s are reasonable, food is cheap, shopping isn’t extraordinary, but one can find souvenirs, and the people are friendly. I am surprised by their command of English – and feel less mute than I thought I would be. The 8 of us walked up and down Beijing Lu this evening and found everything – men trying to sell us imitation goods, nike outlets, McDonalds every 300m, Espirit, and trinket shops. We’ve been trying local cuisine and have had good luck so far! The tea lover in me woke up yesterday when I decided to just try the complimentary infusion offered with my meal. It was a herbal/floral infusion and the delicate aroma, and subtle but refreshing flavor was all I needed to refresh me from a long day! I have never loved Chinese tea more!

Something unusual – while walking along Beijing Lu, shopping, chatting and clicking photos, we saw a man run past us – followed closely by two policemen who were trying to chase him down. While the 8 of us were shocked, the remaining crowd seemed to carry on like nothing out of the ordinary had happened! Oh, btw, no one seemed to stop and help the police chase that guy either.

***

This is where I stopped typing and fell asleep, I think! ;)
So much to say, but have to catch up on work first; More updates abt the rest of the days in China and HK coming up later!

Places you fear

How do you overcome something? A fear, a bias, an insecurity, a history –

Do you not look its away?

Or tiptoe around it and then sprint as fast as you can to get away from it?

Put it all in a shoe box, seal it with tape, and toss it at the back of the closet, so you won’t stumble upon it till spring cleaning?

Or look it straight in the eye, shudder inside, but keep a straight face, till it slowly becomes insignificant.

Honesty

I started my day with a memory – not a pleasant one, unfortunately. It’s that weird memory that appears out of nowhere, kicks you in the gut, and trots along as if nothing happened. As you go about the day, it fades away, but it leaves a bad after taste, which you can’t help but be aware of during every free second that you get. You can just hope that you can shake it off with a good night’s sleep.

While I tried to push this memory back, spent the day in these parts :

The sad part: Starving - Going to Lunch at the sushi place - Trying out something new rather than your usual - finding it absolutely disgusting and inedible. Compensating with a Tall Hazelnut latte.

The bimbotic part: painting toes - finally.

The kick – ass part: Remembering someone's birthday - calling their place - finding out they're travelling - getting a number where they can be reached at - hearing the happiness in their voice upon hearing from you when they least expect you - singing Happy Birthday - being missed - missing.

The blood-pressure raising part: finding out that not all the papers for China visa as in place - having a few hours to get them - including an invitation from someone in China - cursing and muttering incessantly - finally managing to send them in with 10 mins to spare - remembering to breathe.

The intelligent part: going through work with boss - having answers to all his questions - getting a good review.

The heart-warming part: hearing from an old friend - being called one of your many high school nicknames.

The guarded part: Writing about the abovementioned memory - and then deleting it, cuz otherwise it’d be revealing too much - to too many people - who's see right through it

The lame part : The mind turning blank within minutes of starting to write.

I should just not bother. This is crap.

I'm leaving your town again

Its been quite a week…and weekend … and the Monday

- 3 of my closest friends were born within 4 days! Plenty of birthday parties and socializing!

- The boss insisted that the first weekend after work starts must be spent partying. So invites were sent, and a whole group of colleagues went bar hopping at The Cannery. Champagne flowed very fashionably at The Fashion Bar – a pretty classy place, followed by stop overs at 3 other bars! Unfortunately, the music sucked, thus, no dancing!

- Salsa Intermediate has begun! And the turns, the spins, the music – ahhhh, we like muchly. “Muchly” is my new favorite term, coined by one of my favorite ppl ever!

- The Clapton concert was amazing, to say the least. It is breathtaking, the things that man can do with his guitar. As expected, he did not play Tears In Heaven, but he did play Wonderful Tonight, and I swear, I was in another world. N it takes a lot to get me that mushy! I still go sighhhh as I think of it. Sighhh

- Checked out the boys new house – and now we have a new place to party, have poker night, order pizza, and hang out till daybreak!

- The Little Devil’s birthday was fun fun with the girlies all dressed up and posing non stop for le camera! Ahhh, how vain we are!

- After the excessive fashion, partying, alcohol, socializing, cake, music, chilling, shopping, and kick – ass weekend, I definitely didn’t deserve this Monday. 12 hrs of non stop working on the same damn thing, I kid you not. This has resulted in crazy mood swings, borderline snappy emails, and far too much cursing.

- The clothes for tomorrow are yet to be ironed, dishes from the crappy dinner are still in the sink, and if the phone rings again, with someone from the team, telling me another something that to be dealt with, I swear to god, the phone or the laptop goes out of the window! *breathe in, breathe out* okay, maybe not.

- In other news, I have tickets to China & Hong Kong, hotel bookings for China, and absolutely no plans for HK. This means I don’t know who else is coming with me, I don’t have a hotel, and my best friend who used to live there, has moved to Scotland. She’s provided her best advice via MSN – places to shop at and places to eat at. She knows me well! But considering the trip’s happening in less than a week’s time, I should start worrying just a wee bit!

- I’m so excited, I can’t wait!

"I'm leaving your town again" from Plane, by Jason Mraz

Hush Hush

Our veiled conversations don’t upset me anymore. Neither does their lack of.
What does, however, are the conversations we have in our own heads, with each other, but never out loud.

Only Superstition

The New Year has been kick started in the best of ways!

The eve was spent cooking (yes, I repeat, cooking) Thai dinner with close friends, and savoring every bit of it. Next stop was the apartment 9 floors above ours – that of a friend’s, where we had planned the new years party. A house party on such occasions is the best - it prevents us from spending a majority of the evening in queues! I loved it all the more because when tired, all I had to do was get in the elevator and hit my floor – and tadaa! I’m home! Plenty of alcohol, music, flirting, dancing, and picture taking – not too bad a way to spend the new years eve I’d say! A private view of the fireworks from the balcony was the icing on the cake! The night stretched into the early hours of the day before I finally hit the elevator to go home! Needless to say, much of the first day of the year was spent in bed! But I woke up with a skip in my step – since my hair and I were smoke-smell free, and hangover free, respectively! The day ended on a good note, after a very pleasant date! *wink*

Day 2 has been just as great, if not better! (Although I had to get up as early as 930 am!) The Little Devil (LD) had asked us all out for ice skating, and so by 11 am, I was lacing up my skates and entering the rink after ages! (I’ve only been ice skating once before I my life) I am proud to announce that I fell only once, and at the end of the two hour session, I was not-so-gracefully skating across the rink without holding on to anything! We came out of the rink with huge grins, sore toes, and perhaps bruises that we’ll discover tomorrow! But the feeling of having taught yourself something, and falling, and picking up again, is amazing enough to compensate for the aching bums! Caught up with the girls about their India trip over lunch, and heard of the million and one fiascos that they’re responsible for.

I’m not superstitious, but I’d like to think that if the year started off so well, it’ll continue to be this great! Full of resolutions, promises, and over-ambitious plans, I look forward to the next 363 days as they unfold!

Cheers and a Happy New Year to all!