TOYS R US!

Time: 10:00 am
Breakfast: Chocolate chunk granola bar


I came in the office a full 15 mins later than my usual time – and the office is still half empty (or half full, whatever you prefer). I wonder if everyone else was reading a book as interesting as mine that they ended up sleeping late as well. I picked up “Three Cups of Tea” from Borders last weekend, and it comes with a beautiful one line description: “One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One school at a Time.” It’s the perfect book for the state of mind I’ve been in recently.

It gives one some perspective, and take another look at their growing list of material worries – and hang their head in shame. It’s not a feel good book though – nor is it a piece of literature. It’s a narration of a man who tried to climb K2 – failed – raised money – to go back and build schools for the village girls in Pakistan/Afghanistan. I can’t say what I love more – the scenery, the man’s unbeatable spirit, or the mountain climbing stories. Sigh. I was willing to miss by stop just so I could finish a chapter.

In my moment of inspiration, I have sent some emails. If all goes well, I’ll be in Laos this summer, working on a project to provide clean drinking water. Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

On a more cheerful note, we are moving to our old/new office on Monday – which means today will be spent packing our stuff, and we have to empty the office by 6. The girlies and I shall head out then for some fine wine and dining and more wine. Packing promises to be fun, as I have the most interesting desk at the moment – decorated with toys. Yes, I repeat, toys. Happy Meal toys to be precise. My very thoughtful boss needs his evening snack, and religiously buys a McDonalds Happy Meal – and awards the toy to me. (Yes, I have told him many times that I am not 5!!!) There are these really ugly Bionicle thingis, an even uglier hello kitty, a pink doll + closet, a beanie baby type teddy bear, and a whole menagerie of others. Sigh. In my defense, I didn’t buy or ask for, or want, any of those. (Oh, but my prized possession is a pair of devil’s horns, which I absolutely love)

You can stop giving me funny looks now.

How do you breathe

I recently completed 10 months at my first job, and fortunately, I am not as dissatisfied as a lot of my peers with their respective job.

But a long lunch and insightful conversation with my colleagues got me thinking this Friday – about exactly how satisfying or fulfilling I find my job –

On bad days, I spend countless hours in meetings which are a complete waste of time; write a gazillion emails, and adding absolutely no value to the business, or to myself; drink far too many expensive lattes, watch everything go wrong; whine about everything that went wrong, and pack up and leave, feeling underpaid and over worked.

On good days, I lead meetings, influence people, make decisions, resolve issues, change the way things are done – and make a difference. I manage to have pleasant lunch breaks with colleagues/friends; manage half-decent meals, leave for the gym on time, and have a solid work out.

But at the end of the day – be it good or bad, what am I essentially doing? Adding value to the business? Gaining work experience? Honing my skills? Networking? So the company benefits from it, and I personally benefit from it. But something’s missing –

After 10 months, now that I have settled in, and am no longer overwhelmed by the size of the company or the extent of my job – I guess I can sit back and look at the whole picture. And I can put a finger on what is missing –

The non-material, external factor. Where it’s not about how much money I made or saved for the company, and in return how much they paid me! But if I actually made a difference in anyone’s life. It’s pathetic how I left student mentoring for inexcusable reasons such as thesis, job interviews, then the job itself, etc.

Some days, I go to bed thinking if this is all that I want to do in life. Other days I wonder if this is exactly what I don’t want to do. Most nights, I don’t know.

Maybe if I find that something which goes beyond my current grip, and makes me stand on my tip toes, and reach out, maybe then, it’ll all fall in place.

Till then, I can go to bed knowing that I haven’t sold my soul to the devil. Well, at least not yet.

It's all Pappy's Fault!

So, I made an SMS boo boo this morning as I hit the wrong name on my list and there went my sms - to the wrong person. I thought I'd die of embarressment at first, but now I find it funny. Oh, and I'm denying it ever happening. I didn't do it - hah! Pappy did. The fact that Pappy couldn't have used my phone at 940 am simply because he's on the other side of the city, is absolutely irrelevant. I didnt do it - He did! (I should tell Pappy about what he's allegedly done!) *winks*

In other news, I'm going on a road trip soon! Probably to Genting or somewhere - destination doesnt matter, the company does. And I'm going with a kick-ass group of people! I can't wait for the Good Friday weekend!

Sandy's coming back from New Zealand, finally. It's about time - people shouldn't be gone long, it annoys me. Then I miss then, and then I get angry at them cuz they're gone and missing them makes me sappy. So, when I do speak to them, I spend half the time yelling at them, for being gone! Yes, even I don't see the logic, so don't try! I just hate people who go away.

Stupid Sandy is coming for a few days, before he goes off to his glam job in London. What the @#$%^&?!?!?! Like I said, I get annoyed when people go away. This also means that the members of the club that calls me "Princess" is depleting fast! (Yes, I am that bratty!)

Nothing else is new! It's a Tuesday like any other.

To "S"

12 years ago –

I wasn’t exactly a timid kid – I was always outgoing, giggly and loud. But life had gone through a few unexpected turns. I had moved to Thailand with family, but because of the different education system there, I had to come back to India to complete my 6th grade. Within a month’s time, I returned to Calcutta, a city i’d only been to once before, to spend the next 6 months living with an aunt, and completing her 6th grade. It was a new city, new school, new education system, and a new family that I had to adapt to – and catch up on a semesters worth of study material – all in 10 days.

I made new friends in the neighborhood and school, and since a lot of them lived in my block, my school friends and home friends were the same. S was one of them. S – a skinny guy, with a bright smile and a huge heart. He lived in my block and was in my class as well. Since he was a bright kid, the teachers asked him to lend me his notebooks to catch up on the previous semesters work. We became good friends, and soon I was part of the gang – we hung out, played stupid games, ate junk from hawkers and lived the typical 11 year olds life. Except that I had a personal flock of bullies, and no one else did. Sigh. I had to take after school tuition lessons for a few days to catch up on the previous semesters work in the new school, and everyday, as I’d return home at 6pm, a gang of boys would be playing cricket outside my block. And the minute they’re see my approach, they’d whistle, and tease one of their guy friends about me. no big deal, I think now. But back then, it was a huge deal. 7 guys against 1 girl – that too, new. Back then, I was not the type who’d just look them straight in the eye and tell them to fuck off. I wish I had. I would jus keep a straight face and wake right up to my house. I remember how much I dreaded it and how everyday while I walked back from my lessons, as I’d turn the corner to my street, I’d pray that the boys had chosen a different place to hang out. And my heart would sink as I’d spot them from far, and the jokes on me would begin. No one said anything directly to, but they said everything to V, a stupid dumbfuck of a guy, about me. Like “there comes your heartthrob” blah blah some stupid shit like that. Amazingly, stupid shit like that can bully a little girl. Anyways, back to the story. One fine day, S happened to be around when the guys started their usual chit chat as they saw me approach. (the boys were from my grade in school btw, where they pretended like nothing was going on.) And he heard them. I think later in the evening when we were hanging out, he mentioned that and I burst out crying. (yes, again, little girls are sensitive) I hated Calcutta, I hated living there, and I hated being bullied everyday and not being able to tell anyone. Didn’t wanna create trouble for my uncle/aunt, and didn’t wanna worry the parents. Few days after, he heard them say something to me again and he went n told them off. Some guy stuff, which I didn’t hear. But he got the point across. And they stopped eventually. They knew I was part of the other gang, S and his friends, my friends, and rule of the neighborhood – everyone stays within their territories and doesn’t bother the others. I was relieved beyond relief –I remember being able to walk back home and not worry. It all seems so silly now, so juvenile. But I guess when you are 11, such things matter the most. S was always nice to me, not in a “I’m hitting on you” way, but “i’s new – i’s not with family, let’s make sure i doesn’t get homesick” way. They adored me, my attempts at Bengali, and at wearing a sari at durga puja. S would walk back home with us after school and he had a bicycle and I’d walk back (the school was that near), and another girl and I would dump our bag on his bike and walk off, and he never said no. I dunno why I remember such little things. But he’s one of the few people I remember from Calcutta. I hated those 6 months of my life, and if it weren’t for S and the gang, I’d have been miserable throughout.

Today – I found him on Orkut. As much as I hate orkut, I am glad for this one thing. I remember trying to look for him earlier, but never finding him, and this time I did. I msged him and wondered if he remembered me, and he did.

I doubt we’ll have much to talk about today- if at all. We had a brief friendship of 6 months, and then a 12 year gap. I think a quick chat is all that we’ll be able to manage , and then it’ll be forgotten. But I ll remember those days, and I’ll remember S. That was one of the most difficult time of my life, being jolted out of my comfort zone and thrown into a whole new world, which I grew to hate. Thanks S, for at least now I have some fond memories of those 6 months.

p.s. this is the longest post ever!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..."

I went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend, and I am very pleased with myself. I have developed this new tendency to shop – and do that non stop, when I’m nervous about the turns of life. Thankfully, not many things make me nervous enough these days to go swipe plastic everywhere. Else, I’d be in so much trouble!

Its been a kick-ass Monday. Yes, I just used the words Kick ass and Monday in the same sentence. The boss is away on business trip, to a place where the time zone is in our favor – so that his working hours and our starting/break/lunch hours clash perfectly. Therefore, he can never find us! We are gonna savor every minute of the next 3 days! Don’t get me wrong, we love our boss. It’s just that these days we’re all so swamped, and his requests, typically “things that shouldn’t take more than 15” actually do – and they are never ending. Before we know it, its 6pm and we haven’t touched a thing on our to do list. I was surprisingly chirpy today – and got tons done. Just to make it better, my very girly, retro dress, was a hit at the office!

I continued the shopping spree from yesterday and went to buy some more gym stuff – shorts, tees, and a gym bag! Now I have no excuse to not go! Sobs!

I bet if I’d read my horoscope today, it’d have read “BEWARE!! do not make any financial transactions today – or else your wallet will burst into flames!” I tried to expense my corporate card bill and realized that the hotel had double charged me. called them up, and the manager called back and apologized for their boo boo. Tried to pay bills online (there are so many bills that its not even funny!) and the internet kept disconnecting as I hit “confirm” I might just have paid my phone bill 5 times. Argh! N my credit card company fucked up my account statement and was charging me an odd 500 bucks extra. It really isn’t a good day for bills.

I need a holiday – doing grown uppy things is tiring! Plans for the Good Friday weekend are floating about and I am very excited. Mom might be coming by for a week sometime soon too! I have to make the Manila trip happen somehow, and some friends from work and I are planning on a backpacking trip to India! Planning holidays is so much more fun than setting accounts, paying bills, and figuring out that you have no money left!

I’m just in an usually good mood – and I shall go to bed grinning like Cheshire cat now!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..." - Long December, Counting Crows

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..."

I went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend, and I am very pleased with myself. I have developed this new tendency to shop – and do that non stop, when I’m nervous about the turns of life. Thankfully, not many things make me nervous enough these days to go swipe plastic everywhere. Else, I’d be in so much trouble!

Its been a kick-ass Monday. Yes, I just used the words Kick ass and Monday in the same sentence. The boss is away on business trip, to a place where the time zone is in our favor – so that his working hours and our starting/break/lunch hours clash perfectly. Therefore, he can never find us! We are gonna savor every minute of the next 3 days! Don’t get me wrong, we love our boss. It’s just that these days we’re all so swamped, and his requests, typically “things that shouldn’t take more than 15” actually do – and they are never ending. Before we know it, its 6pm and we haven’t touched a thing on our to do list. I was surprisingly chirpy today – and got tons done. Just to make it better, my very girly, retro dress, was a hit at the office!

I continued the shopping spree from yesterday and went to buy some more gym stuff – shorts, tees, and a gym bag! Now I have no excuse to not go! Sobs!

I bet if I’d read my horoscope today, it’d have read “BEWARE!! do not make any financial transactions today – or else your wallet will burst into flames!” I tried to expense my corporate card bill and realized that the hotel had double charged me. called them up, and the manager called back and apologized for their boo boo. Tried to pay bills online (there are so many bills that its not even funny!) and the internet kept disconnecting as I hit “confirm” I might just have paid my phone bill 5 times. Argh! N my credit card company fucked up my account statement and was charging me an odd 500 bucks extra. It really isn’t a good day for bills.

I need a holiday – doing grown uppy things is tiring! Plans for the Good Friday weekend are floating about and I am very excited. Mom might be coming by for a week sometime soon too! I have to make the Manila trip happen somehow, and some friends from work and I are planning on a backpacking trip to India! Planning holidays is so much more fun than setting accounts, paying bills, and figuring out that you have no money left!

I’m just in an usually good mood – and I shall go to bed grinning like Cheshire cat now!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..." - Long December, Counting Crows