Lately, I have noticed that more and more people are dissatisfied with their lives. We're all unhappy about something or the other; our grades, our courses, our status, our university, our looks, our weight, our achievements, our resumes, etc...the list goes on. Is it because we are all striving for perfection, or is it because perfection itself has been redefined to much higher standards? What sufficed before is unacceptable now...what satisfied us before, is just frustratingly insufficient now?
When I draw these comparisons, I 'm not talking about these differences between generations, but rather within a person. Standards from my parents generation to my generation have definitely changed, for several reasons such as competition, techonological advancements, globalization, etc. But I am talking about these changes within self.
What made me happy before does not seem enough now. There was a time when coming to Singapore for unversity seemed to be the one goal I had. It was the only option and the one thing I wanted really badly. Leaving home to go off for university was good enough, and I remember thinking that life could not get any better when I got accepted here, along with 2 of my closest friends from
high school. It would be PERFECT, I thought! I am moving away from home, going to a reputed university and I have my friends with me! What more could I ask for?
But soon I was complaining about the lack of vibrance and life in this island. Found the place too bland, too "perfect", too organized, etc. The irony of things! Here I thought I was looking for perfection, and yet, it was the very perfection of the place that I disliked.
I complained that the people were all alike : herded in masses; the langauge was mutated beyond understanding ; the pace, too fast for comfort ; the courses, too rigorous and restricting ; life, too bland.
Then, during summer, I got a taste of working life. I thought again, that should be perfect, no homework, no assignments, no boring lectures, etc. Finally I get to shed the student lifestyle and grow up. Oh, how wrong I was! This time I complained about the long hours without breaks, the awful food at work, the commute everyday, etc.
University finally started, and again I figured, life couldnt get anymore perfect, I had managed to finish all my courses so that the worklaod in my final semesters would be very light. Life was gonna be perfect again...but soon I was complaining about lack of lectures and thus empty days when I ended up wasting time rather than getting any work done!
Sigh!
While just three years ago, I had declared getting into this university as perfect, and couldnt' want more from life at the moment, now I find myself restless, frustrated, dissatisfied, and suffocated again.
In this race for perfection, where the idea of perfection itself is so dynamic and constantly changing, why chase it? Have we mortals become so greedy that we cannot settle for what we have? Have we forgotten how to smile in our smile, a smile of satisfaction and completeness?
I spent a little more time thinking about this and realized that its not my life which is lacking something, but my attitude and perception.. Why am I complaining when I met such great people here; took on challenging projects; learnt a little about engineerin and, a lot more about life and being myself. So much about myself, my own strenghts, and weaknesses. My talents and my shortcomings.
Yes, I could have been somewhere else, doing something else, living somewhere else, studying something else. But isnt that just wishful thinking? Doesn't the grass just seem greener on the other side. In this process of complaining and comparing, I overlooked the beautiful things in my life right now. I have plenty to be thankful for , and had I been somewhere else, who knows if I'd had all this. I wouldnt wanna be missing out on any of this!
So what if I didnt go to university somewhere else. So what if I didnt get accepted in some program I really wanted. I have more than enough to feel lucky about, and if there is nothing I can change about it, I might as well make the best out of it. Instead of musing over what could have been and neglecting life here, I 'll embreace what I have. Frustration over things that can't be changed is the worst, because nothing can be done to soothe it! Thus, I have to just get over it. Not leave it as an option.
After all, like a friend said, a little imperfection, a little chaos, "is endearing"
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