Careful where you stand

*Post from 4 days ago*

I have been cheated out of a large chunk of my money and I am trying to make peace with it. I can live knowing that it’s only money, and that a few years down the lane, it’d seem like a negligible amount. But today it hurts. It was my hard earned cash over a year. It is also the first time I have been cheated. And that, I cannot make peace with. Its upsetting and it has left me rather shaken. I am trying the legal channel – after all, the law is there to protect us. But today I don’t feel so safe anymore. Every time I leave the house, I am conscious of who is walking ahead of me, and behind. No transaction, no deal, no interaction seems trustworthy. I can’t get rid of this shadow of suspicion that follows every movement around me.

It’s probably a good thing. We learn from our mistakes. Sometimes, we learn from our sheer bad luck. This time, it was my bad luck, and every other day, I dwell into the could’ve-would’ve-should’ve, which ends up replaying the entire event in my end, and leaves me exasperated, and depressed! I wish there was a way to carve our some thoughts from one heads and burn them away for good.

I noticed that over the past few years, I have become rather cynical. But today I realize, that it’s not enough. Cynicism should come hand in hand with an untrusting mind. I picked up the sourness along the way, but wasn’t able to change the fact that I trust people easily. Mental note: hate everyone, question everything.

Work’s crappy. There are days when I’m too messed up from the whole apartment thing that I can’t work. N then there are days when I’m ready to work hard, and the day starts with a nasty email, or fire fighting, without any commendable results.

It’s one of those days when you feel it slipping and you cant be bothered trying to stop it. You can only hope that you escape into a dreamless slumber, before you start slipping faster.