Where I spent the day after X-mas

...trying to leave footsteps behind...

...n watching them get washed away...

...sinking...

...reaching out....

...n planning my next trip...

Nice and Slow

*Post from Dec 25th, 2006*

Its 11 pm and I’m watching corny Hindi movies in my pajamas, with my ever expanding ass parked comfortably on a big, warm couch. Before that, I was painting my toes a deep brown, matching the couch on which was posterior was slowly sinking in. Prior to that, the feet were soaked in warm water, and the ass was on the same old couch.

Judging from the number of times I mention the words couch and ass in the previous few sentences, one can guess how I’m spending these 5 days at home! *winkie*

Now this is life!

The uncomfortable topic has been opened and closed with the mom. Thankfully, she’s very understanding, and read the “I don’t wanna talk about it “expression on my face. She didn’t push further. I guess I wanted to get the talk over with, so that it wouldn’t loom over my head into the next year! checked off the list!

Sometimes, I wonder. If I want to live it easy, or tough. If I want it all, or just make do with what I have? If I want it all planned out, or take it as it comes?

Planning’s good because then you have a goal, a vision of where you are going, and what you’re working towards. The problem, however, is the frustration that comes every time something doesn’t go according to plan. And that always happens.

If I don’t have a plan, then the feeling of not knowing where it’s all going, and having no drive and passion, is unnerving.

A balance of the two is something one can spend their entire life trying to achieve.

Sigh – what’s a girl to do. Especially when she always thought that the concept of balance and equilibrium was always over rated anyways!

Silent Night...

Friday, Dec 22^nd, 2006

*Posted typed at the airport / in flight / *

I’m about to take off to Bangkok in a matter of minutes, and the usual excitement of scheming for shopping and going out, has been replaced by the sense of relief at the thought of sleeping long hours, eating healthy, home food, and doing nothing. I think I’m aging at an exponential rate, because one does not spend the festive season in Thailand sleeping!!! I’m such a disgrace to the country this season!

Another year comes to an end and I don’t think it makes me feel any different. It was, however, a year that marked several milestones for me and the family. I completed the thesis, and graduated from the godforsaken engineering course! I bagged a kick ass job (I’m not gloating, I’m calling it kick ass cuz I love it), moved out to a house, and entered the working world. The little one graduated from high school and moved to the other side of the world to pursue higher education.

With 2006 came a new stage of life – one with more certainties, and bigger decisions, longer hours, and uncompromised independence. The perks: renewed confidence and greater challenges. Grown – uppyness ( self created word! ), being single, more partying, and thus higher consumption of alcohol! The costs: The carefree nature of a uni student, and a relationship. As they say, you win some, you lose some.

I’d be extremely cynical if I said that I lost more than I gained this year. I’d be annoyingly positive if I said that I gained more. Today, I chose the latter, because when I look back, I find far more things to smile about and be thankful for, then those to cry over. And thankfully, not much to regret.

Ever since I learnt (a little late, but still, better than never ) that one has to be responsible for their own happiness, I refuse to dwell over the lows, and instead, grin silly over the highs. The slumps will only be remembered by the precious lessons learnt from them, and the tear ducts that have run dry, will not be refilled.

Because, shit happens, and it’s really not worth keeping score of. Smiles, however, make great pictures and even get u free drinks! *wink wink*

I’d say goodbye to this year, with a very satisfied smile, thinking of and being thankful for the great family, the kick ass job, and pricesless friends!

God Bless, and Happy Holidays to All!

Someday you'll know

A phoenix rises from its ashes. Us Leos are similar.

I, rise from my tears .

The great thing about being a Leo is the giant sized ego that comes as a package deal – thus making sure that even from the lowest of lows, they bounce right back, like the "Hit – Me" dolls. That’s because they don’t like self – pity, and loathe those who dare to be sympathetic, after hurting them.

So my words of wisdom to those who mistakingly think that their actions will change my life, are : "Get - Over - Yourself".

In.your.face!

Friends, we love. Friends, we’ll go whining to when it gets that low, make imaginary voodoo dolls with, bitch, and cry, and accept that supporting shoulder. But self-righteous people who hurt and then try to offer pity/help/care to heal – a big thanks but no thanks. We appreciate the intentions; allow me now, to show you the door.

It’s a matter of pride. It’s a Leo thing.

*a-n-y-h-o-o* so that’s that.

Mid – week margaritas are yumm! Add some sinful, cheese smothered nachos, great company, and endless bitching, and you have the perfect recipe to spend a rainy Tuesday evening, especially if the skies haven’t stopped leaking for almost 2 days!

Don’t get me wrong, I like the rain. I love the rain. But only when I can enjoy watching it from my bed, looking out of the window – not when I have to walk through it, get my new shoes wet, declare the umbrella to be utterly useless, stand in the longest queues for taxis, and sit in buses with leaking roofs. Ugh and double Ugh!

N what’s with the whole world getting married! It’s the new in thing?? All that anyone could talk about back in India was – who’s getting married next, who should hook up with who, and why I and others my age should start thinking about it right away! As happy as I am for the newly wed couple, I so don’t wanna be in their shoes anytime soon.

Actually, make that never. No, not saying I don’t wanna get married. I just don’t think I can do with a week of ceremonies, being on mute, listening to everyone, pasting a smile on your face, and not enjoying your own wedding. While all the guests seemed to have an awesome time, the poor bride and the groom just looked dead tired, and borderline irritated at the camera flashes, and never ending ceremonies. This opinion was expressed to the wedding-struck mother, and was received rather well. It’s a relief knowing that we both don’t this for me. Everything else was conveniently left hanging in mid-air. (else = when do u want to get married, to who, what are your plans, etc. etc. )

Someday mom, someday, sometime, somewhere, someone! Now THAT, is a plan!

With or Without you

You’d be surprised to find out the things you can do without. And those that you cannot.