Tuesday, October 3

Why don't you slide?

I'm a Leo with a big ego, that doesn't allow me to admit my fears, insecurities, and troubles. Even on a semi – anonymous blog.

***Confession number 1***

(It's a start)

Living alone is not easy. *confession no. 2* - more on this later.

Im on a roll today!

I hate being judged. I've always been too sensitive for my own good – easily hurt by words, and judgments, even by those who don't matter much. Sometimes, you learn the hard way, and I guess I have. Countless hours and tears were wasted when they could've been spent on more worthwhile things. Staying optimistic though, at least I can say that it's helped me cultivate a sort of independence that will come in handy for the next few decades in my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of us have grown up and become so engaged in keeping it together day after day, that we find little time to gossip and/or judge others. Which is great, no DUH? When I say we, I refer to the circle of close friends and people who matter. At the same time, we have also become more self assured and can't give a damn about what the others say, because we know that no one else is qualified enough to pass a verdict on the condition of our hearts, our actions, and our characters.

Then there are the people I wonder about, and almost feel sorry for. Those who lead a life so empty, that they have both the time and the energy, to scrutinize others' life, and make sweeping statements about it. Of course, I have no way of knowing that their lives are empty! Perhaps, they're really good at time management and can juggle their hours well, or perhaps their priorities are different. Either way, who am I to judge? *snickers*

So I sound a little condescending! So?

To put it in simple words – I am angry.
I had a little menagerie – assorted, sparse, but carefully selected.
I never prevented anyone from partaking in the joys it brought. I was naïve enough to open every one of these delicately wrapped pieces, and let them be seen. In the folds, at least they were protected – sealed fore safety. How was I to shield them, once opened? Why didn't I think? Who was going to, if not me? They were mine, after all.

I am angry because some of these handpicked pieces of life – have been reduced to shards that I cannot identify.

5 comments:

sherene said...

the wrapping should not be removed in front of eyes that judge; do not overestimate the goodness of people.

Aesa said...

I have made the same mistakes as you. always believed tht people are good. and poured out bits n pieces of me without a thought.

only to realise later, how so many poeple i completely trusted turned out to be 'not so good'
and all those bits n pieces got twisted and distorted and thrown about!

makes one furious. i know. at the people of course. but much more than that at urself.

Shishir said...

>>Those who lead a life so empty, that they have both the time and the energy, to scrutinize others' life, and make sweeping statements about it.

ok no questions or allegations on this, but don't you think this is how the human civilizaiton has worked and evolved through all this time...? I know this can be too tormenting at times..and am sure you have had the worst experience of being scrutinized. I dont know , but I hav trusted ppl more than often and realized that it's you who eventually gains out of it as a trustworthy person in eyes of others.

Whatever, I returned to your blog after quite some time expecting some happy and jovial writings from your end only to find you still lingering with ur oldself.

PS: This is not a scrutiny ;)

iksha said...

sherene,
agreed! if only they taught us that in school!

aesa,
most of us end up learning the hard way, eh? sucks, i know!

shishir,
you only see one face of the coin here. there's more to me than just this blog...

mangosteen said...

Forget the anger, prize the innocence. It is lost too soon, its empty space is claimed by spite and cynicism.
We must not let our mistakes shame our inexperience that makes us believe in the brighter side. Imagine the unlucky ones who were never taught to trust.