This is how a heart breaks

I don’t remember the last time something *good* happened to me.

Okay, perhaps I’m exaggerating. I usually celebrate the small things with the same enthusiasm as winning a million dollars! *n I could use a million dollars, so yes, I’m pretty darn enthusiastic* But somehow, today I could feel the energy rush out of me, and leave me lifeless, for no particular reason.

So the Final Year Project mystery has been solved. The damn reagents were contaminated, which explains why the past few PCR runs gave no results. Which also means that now I should be able to get my experiment to work. *yay* and which also means that all my work from the past 3 weeks, including weekends, has gone down the drain. Yeah yeah, while the optimists would say that atleast now you know what the problem was and it’ll all be okay, the realists *which is the group I’m in today* would know that those were some very precious 3 weeks and with the big black deadline racing towards me, I am really pressed for time. Oh well, just keeping my fingers crossed that now I don’t have to spend days solving any more mysteries! Two are enough, considering only a month left before thesis submission.

The job scene is well, very very foggy. So I’m unemployed! And yeah, I know something will work out. * I’m only saying this cuz everyone’s been saying this to me, n fine fine, if you say so!!!!!* But I have every right to be biting my nails and start to plan my career selling tissue paper at the Buona Vista MRT.

With the FYP screwed, projects, deadlines, a complete lack of drive or motivation, and the current state of anxiety/uncertainty, you’d think what else can go wrong?

Not much else. Oh, except I’m surrounded by people who seem to be equally screwed or depressed. Or just damn lucky to have things working out for them. *of course, some of them deserve it, but others are just downright lucky.*So no rays of sun, no smiling faces, no silly grins. Its all so gloomy.

I have also found out that someone who I respected a lot and looked up to, is not actually who I thot they were. Or atleast they don’t have the qualities which I perceived them to have had, and therefore respected them so much for. Of course, no fault of their own. I was, after all, the one who assumed them to be something, and put them up on the pedestal, in that elite group of people I look up to. So its only natural that I’d be disappointed and pissed at myself for being so short-sighted. In my defense however, I had all the reasons to have made the wrong assumptions. They were fair enough assumptions. Just not right.

I’m secretly hoping I’m mistaken now, and not before. Ah, the forever optimist. Hates taking the fone, scrolling down to a number, but not calling.

Found myself in a situation today, where I helplessly searched for words of comfort for someone, and couldn’t come up with any. That’s a horrible place to be at, when you care about this *someone*. I could only mutter a “Be strong, please be strong.” No solutions. No advice. I racked my brains to say something, anything, helpful. But nothing.

With everything going wrong at the moment, the only hopeful thing I can say is *it cant get much worse now, can it?*

*keeping my fingers crossed*

- note : havent read through this post, so God only knows what all I've been rambling about. But then, heck cares!