Waiting for indifference

Sometimes, I don’t know what’s more unnerving:

• living in denial
• living in denial and being aware of it, but not doing anything about it, or
• trying to accept the truth instead of living in denial

Cuz usually, we’re far too smart, to be fooled by our own denial for too long. And far too scared to get out of the comfortable blanket!

So we carry on running n keep up with our *oh - so - busy* lives. If you keep ignoring it, maybe it'll go away! Maybe you'll turn indifferent eventually. Till then, just keep a distance.

But once in a while, you’re bound to walk into a mirror, look up, n *oh dear god* see yourself!

And, once in a while, something small, something unexpected, would knock the wind out of you.

You’ll gasp for air, and eventually, catch your breath. Within seconds, or maybe longer.

And you'll be back to maintaining that safe distance. Ah! the comforts of denial.

The fact remains, however, that you got a glimpse of something, and you didn't like it.

You turn away and try to keep pace with the *oh – so – busy* life yet again.

Till the next close encounter, you’re safe!

Pause

Being there for everyone, at all times, can be a very taxing job.

Once in a while, you get sick of it, and wake up, with unclaimed anger and tears. You are highly irritable and snappy, and shy away from any form of affection.

You name this your “anti – social phase.”

Then you’re back on the job. Its quite the cycle.

...The lonely street of dreams

I had a series of strange dreams last night, which featured me struggling in a flood, an earthquake, a landslide, and several other disasters, which I cannot fully recall. All this took place on the university campus, and yet, there wasn’t a single face I recognized. There was however a kid, who somehow knew the way out of every situation, and we barely escaped each time. I remember racing against a huge wave, and frantically running up a staircase to reach level 7 of E3 - a block in the engineering faculty. It makes no sense, the never ending staircase, and the tidal wave that managed to chase us up the stairs, methodically climbing each flight. The growing staircase then gave way to a clearing, rather abruptly, and all was dry. I looked around and found myself alone again, walking down the road leading to the hall I lived in during my freshmen year. This road, and block E3 are on far ends of the campus, btw. I'd barely caught my breath when I bumped into my parents, who were out for an evening walk, right outside my dorm, as if it’s the most natural thing for them to do. I treied to tell them that its unsafe to be out, the floods, the landslides, everything, and that they should not go down the road. They paid no attention to what I said, and were just relieved to see me, because I’d been gone too long. (again, makes no sense)

The boy has disappeared by now. Oh, we’d met in the most unexpected place too; I’d found him sitting on top of a bus stop shelter. How appropriate, considering the absurdity of the dream. What's more disturbing is that I don’t remember a single thing about his face.

I tried to analyze the symbols and their significance but couldn't piece it together, at all. Couldn't find a more ill - fitting puzzle!!!

A little surfing revealed some answers, although none that satisfy me. Here is what they say about Natural Disasters in your dreams. If anything, this just left me more unnerved and restless than before!

Oh well, lets see what’s featured tonight.

Looking for some answers

What do you do…

When a strange sense of restlessness takes control over your life, and spares you no peace?

When you struggle to grasp something, anything, to keep you on track, but you find your hands slipping?

When you surprise yourself with your capability of loving someone so much?

When even simple affection becomes complicated?

When the fortress you built around yourself becomes suffocating?

When you want something to call your own?

When you find yourself becoming strangely anti – social?

When you just want someone to tuck you in, and watch over you as you fall asleep?

When home seems to be the only haven?

When you have just enough courage to run away from your insecurities, but not enough to face them?

When all you can figure are the questions, but not the answers