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Identitiy - Milan Kundera

Homesick!

This is probably the first post where my thoughts have been spilled right out...no flowery language, no spell check, no reviewing what I write and editing!

I wanna go home!

I am really homesick right now...I really really wanna go home. N I'm not saying this just because I'm tired and miss home food, I jus really really want a break, and go sleep in my bed! I have checked out air tickets and have made sure I have all the things required for a visa-on-arrival! That's how serious I am about going home! N there are no flights out! There isnt a single budget flight out of Singapore that I can get for the next 3 days! Not only budget, I tried other airlines too. Nothing, at all! I will try again tmr after lab, at 8 am! on a saturday!!!! If i can, I'm taking the first flight out of this country, even if it is tmr night! It's perfect, and I can manage to sneak off for 3-4 days...except for the lab sampling schedule..which I am sure if I try, I can convince Stan to help me with...but how to find tickets!!!!!

In the past 24 hrs, a cousin of mine who I hadnt spoken to in ages came online n msged me to say hii..n said he's going home for Diwali! N that his sis, is also going back!

Then spoke to a friend just before he flew home for diwali for 2-3 weeks...and when i got back, I had a msg from my bro saying : hey, happy diwali in advance...going home for a week or so...Tty then! N i talk to these ppl everyday!!!

Got back from lab and spoke to mom! couldnt be the mature, responsible daughter anymore...its been quite a week...quite a month actually n just couldnt contain the : mom i wanna come home! she immediately said come home beta! but by then the responsible daughter was mature again n covered it wid a : yeah, i wish, but im really busy! :(

Mom's are amazing...you cant hide much from them! They see right through you...and no matter how hard I try, there is only so much I can hide from her! So fifteen mins later, I am back on msn msging her that I really really wanna come home! By then I'd opened a bunch of budget airlines websites and trying my luck with tickets! N nothing! There isnt a single booking available! By then, Dad calls! N says that Beta, if u can get a booking, jus come home! Its diwali after all! =) We're talking abt being home in less than 24 hrs!! Just the thought brings a huge grin on my face...and then a frown!

- no ticket
- lab schedule
- money
- whatever happened to being a grown up daughter??

but really, I wanna go home just to be with family. Its not running away from anything, or looking for comfort at home when something's not right! Just want to be home for a break... to see family, spend some time with them n relax! 8 days in summer dont realy count and I dont see anytime in the near future too...December break is too busy with FYP, maximum 4-5 days to go home! :( N then next summer....Job, moving out, sigh sigh sigh....

keeping my fingers crossed and hoping tomorrow things will work out...

Within my space...

It's been a simple sunday...*Simple,* because nothing exciting happened, and yet, I'm strangely at peace with this day! Floated through the hours smoothly...slept, worked, bummed around, ate, thought...everything's been mildly pleasant! Music playing on shuffle mode, and all these songs that I hadnt heard in ages kept playing, each reminding me of something from the past...of things that just make you smile to yourself! So yes, I've been sitting here and grinning to myself like an idiot! :)

* You gotta be* by Desiree --> suddenly im back in the Godbout Hall, RIS, year 2002! Its convocation and Mel is singing this for the class of 2002...Ours was the first grade to have a performance during the convocation, its too formal a ceremony otherwise! N there I was, walking in the gym with Sara n leading the entire class of 2002 in...as cheesey as it may sound now, the song's good advice!

" You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
"

* Bed of Lies * by Matchbox 20 --> playing the album over n over n over n over...n over!

*Mehendi Laga ke Rakhna* from DDLJ --> Company diwali parties back at home, n dancing on stage! Every diwali *cultural show* hehehehe...god, had so much spirit for the smallest of things! :) They have pictures and videos somewhere!

*Jagged Little Pill* by Alanis Morisette --> Almost all the girls I knew went through the phase when they absolutely loved Alanis' music! The music video of Thank you with her walking bare...

I've just been musing over the weirdest things today...these songs...n other random things!

Saw a poster about a Buddhist Club meet in the elevator...and played with the idea of taking up Buddhism! Buddhist monks in the temples at Ayuthya..or early morning, when they're out to get alms, always seemed so peaceful n radiant!

Went through a few moments of self - realization, and flipped out! It can be pretty unnerving! Met a friend...rattled on about this...making absolutely no sense! scattered thoughts, everywhere! One confused soul talking, the other confused soul listening, two confused souls trying to make sense out of it....somehow at the end of it, all fell in place...made peace with it :)

Looked through old pictures on the comp....all the way from first year! Spent an hour just doing that =)

All in all, a peaceful day...

Spent in my space...