This post doesn't deserve a title

Yesterday, at work I had to tell a woman that she’s made a mistake and it was going to cost her team dearly. I am horrible at confrontations. Maybe that’s why she didn’t sound worried at all. I hope she’s prepared for the music she’s going to face today – because she’s managed to annoy a whole flock of hot shots. This is the part of the job that I don’t like much – ugly confrontations. The corporate world is an ugly place, but one must wear pretty shoes here.

Salsa is old news, - not that I love it any less. But I need to start something new. I’m thinking tennis; foreign language ; another dance form ; gym ; guitar ; martial arts; rock climbing; yoga; accounting certification. Spoilt for choices – I am undecided. By next week, I should better enroll in something new. And find the time for it.

I am using far too many hyphens in my writing – they’re beginning to replace all punctuation marks. I don’t know how/why/where I picked up this habit but it is very recent, and mildly annoying. Maybe from work emails, which is the only form of coherent writing I have been doing lately. To do list and groceries list doesn’t count.

It’s a dull day outside, and inside. The gallons of coffee I drank isn’t doing me any good – except for the regular visits to the ladies. Looking at the bright side, at least I’m getting some form of exercise rather than sitting on my butt all day. As you can see, the dullness has now taken over my entire self, including the sense of humor, or the ability to think.

I wonder what it’d be like if I could play the drums. Maybe I should add that to my list of new things I want to take up. Don’t ask where these random thoughts are coming from. I am brain dead today, just humor me.

I wish I was working from home today. It’s the perfect day to be taking conf. calls in boxers, with a huge bowl of cereal and the phone on mute. Crunch crunch. Unmute. “I agree”. Mute. Crunch crunch. Unmute. “I think that yadiyadayaya, what are your thoughts on this.” Mute. Crunch away. Unmute. “Okay, agreed. So the next steps are blah blah blah blah. Timing I’m looking at is blah blah blah. Okay then, thank you.” Mute. Crunch crunch. Hang up.

I thought I’d check the news – but all I could find was how n why the stock market is doing real bad. My reaction - whoopdidoo.

In other news – I have received some tax forms. I am officially a grown up, paying for provident fund and taxes.

This sucks.

The 100th Post

Forever is probably the shortest duration of time. –

Have u ever caught the whiff of a passerby’s perfume, which made you stop in your tracks – because it’s a fragrance so close to your heart. Did you search for the owner you knew so well, only to discover that it’s been stolen by a total stranger. Were you also betrayed by your senses?

Have you ever gone so far down memory lane that you can’t remember how you got there? Did you manage to find your way out? Did you want to?

I have. Several times. Sometimes I came out smiling; others, biting my tongue to hold them within.

And you?

Boss, I quit!

I haven’t written in a while, I realize; and although nothing noteworthy has happened, I just feel this need to recap. Don’t ask!

* Work’s been crazy busy – and the usually good natured individuals of my team have turned into ill-tempered, frustrated, over-worked zombies, who are ready to bite anyone who gets in their way. Pleasant, proper English has been replaced by a colorful dialect, spoken by both employees and managers. We don’t discriminate! The only good thing is that even during these stressful times, the team stands to support each other – rather than snapping at each other. Even if it means canceling drinks on a Friday – to keep someone company, who’s file crashes just as she was about to send it off.

* I’ve seen some bad days myself – classic being the day I met my mentor for our regular sessions, and I oh-so-casually said “I was thinking of quitting yesterday. But I couldn’t look for other jobs online, cuz I was on a call till late night.” Imagine the man’s surprise as he tries to calm down the same girl, who, 2 months ago, had told him how much she loved her job. Oh well, we all have our days.

* V-day saw me in the office till 1145pm with my entire team. We did however, have dinner together, and happily expensed it on the company. Cocktails n all. Whoopdidoo. Let’s not forget, though, that I did have my fair share of flowers and chocolates and the like.

* V-day was also the Little One’s birthday, and I conveniently misplaced his phone no. I am such a horrible sister! I had to get his phone number from his room-mates sister, who happens to be one of my closest high school friends. (Yeah, coincidence!)

* The 4 day weekend was spent indulging in one or more of the following – sleeping, eating, drinking, bumming, couch-potato-ing, and doing nothing useful. For the entire 4 days.

*Well, 3 actually. On the last day, I got out of my lazy mode, and went to the nearest mall on a whim. I spent 2 hours in a bookstore checking out books on everything – from photography to self help to management to cooking, and then finally settled in a cozy corner near the Literature section. I scanned through a few pages of “Who Moved My Blackberry”, which was hilarious! It’s a hilarious compilation of a marketing executives emails to family, friends, and the bosses. 8 months into the corporate world and I could appreciate the humor in the book and the mockery of corporate jargon! I swear, I was laughing out loud to myself! I finally left with Milan Kundera’s Laughable Loves, which I am loving absolutely. More on that later!

* At this very moment, I am thinking of why I allow myself to get involved in things which I know will result in me being confused/angry/upset or all 3. I absolutely ignore the little voice in my head that says “If you want to sleep peacefully tonight, do NOT do this!!!”

* Knowing what’s the right thing to do, and doing it, are two very different things. poles apart. Sigh.

*So yeah, life’s been okay – from the dumps of late nights at work, to the absolutely high from alcohol and good times with friends.

I’m not complaining. I guess.

Hong Kong Diaries - Part I

The magic that is Disney...

China Diaries - Part I

I type this from my hotel bed, on my second night in China. The room does not have wireless and the broadband cable is on the desk – thus this post will be published much later.

2 days in China and I’m loving it. I’m in Guangzhou, which isn’t as modernized or commercial as Shanghai, or as historical and preserved as Beijing, but it’s a mélange of the two.

The weather - pleasantly cool at 11-14 degrees, but the wind makes your teeth chatter as you walk along the roads after dark. I am envious of them Chinese women, in their over coats and their boots, but I don’t find it essential, as it is really not THAT cold after all! A thin couple of layers of clothes serve me just fine, and once indoors, it’s rather warm. It’s a welcome change from the monotony of gray days and rain in Singapore lately!

The city has an uncanny resemblance to Delhi, and if it wasn’t for the signboards that are in Chinese (of course), and the oriental faces, one could look around and think they were in Delhi. High rise buildings and crumbling old apartments, flyovers, and slum-like housing, neon-lighted malls, and small shops – its got everything. Guangzhou isn’t much of a tourist destination, but it is a booming city with several MNC’s. Cab’s are reasonable, food is cheap, shopping isn’t extraordinary, but one can find souvenirs, and the people are friendly. I am surprised by their command of English – and feel less mute than I thought I would be. The 8 of us walked up and down Beijing Lu this evening and found everything – men trying to sell us imitation goods, nike outlets, McDonalds every 300m, Espirit, and trinket shops. We’ve been trying local cuisine and have had good luck so far! The tea lover in me woke up yesterday when I decided to just try the complimentary infusion offered with my meal. It was a herbal/floral infusion and the delicate aroma, and subtle but refreshing flavor was all I needed to refresh me from a long day! I have never loved Chinese tea more!

Something unusual – while walking along Beijing Lu, shopping, chatting and clicking photos, we saw a man run past us – followed closely by two policemen who were trying to chase him down. While the 8 of us were shocked, the remaining crowd seemed to carry on like nothing out of the ordinary had happened! Oh, btw, no one seemed to stop and help the police chase that guy either.

***

This is where I stopped typing and fell asleep, I think! ;)
So much to say, but have to catch up on work first; More updates abt the rest of the days in China and HK coming up later!

Places you fear

How do you overcome something? A fear, a bias, an insecurity, a history –

Do you not look its away?

Or tiptoe around it and then sprint as fast as you can to get away from it?

Put it all in a shoe box, seal it with tape, and toss it at the back of the closet, so you won’t stumble upon it till spring cleaning?

Or look it straight in the eye, shudder inside, but keep a straight face, till it slowly becomes insignificant.

Honesty

I started my day with a memory – not a pleasant one, unfortunately. It’s that weird memory that appears out of nowhere, kicks you in the gut, and trots along as if nothing happened. As you go about the day, it fades away, but it leaves a bad after taste, which you can’t help but be aware of during every free second that you get. You can just hope that you can shake it off with a good night’s sleep.

While I tried to push this memory back, spent the day in these parts :

The sad part: Starving - Going to Lunch at the sushi place - Trying out something new rather than your usual - finding it absolutely disgusting and inedible. Compensating with a Tall Hazelnut latte.

The bimbotic part: painting toes - finally.

The kick – ass part: Remembering someone's birthday - calling their place - finding out they're travelling - getting a number where they can be reached at - hearing the happiness in their voice upon hearing from you when they least expect you - singing Happy Birthday - being missed - missing.

The blood-pressure raising part: finding out that not all the papers for China visa as in place - having a few hours to get them - including an invitation from someone in China - cursing and muttering incessantly - finally managing to send them in with 10 mins to spare - remembering to breathe.

The intelligent part: going through work with boss - having answers to all his questions - getting a good review.

The heart-warming part: hearing from an old friend - being called one of your many high school nicknames.

The guarded part: Writing about the abovementioned memory - and then deleting it, cuz otherwise it’d be revealing too much - to too many people - who's see right through it

The lame part : The mind turning blank within minutes of starting to write.

I should just not bother. This is crap.

I'm leaving your town again

Its been quite a week…and weekend … and the Monday

- 3 of my closest friends were born within 4 days! Plenty of birthday parties and socializing!

- The boss insisted that the first weekend after work starts must be spent partying. So invites were sent, and a whole group of colleagues went bar hopping at The Cannery. Champagne flowed very fashionably at The Fashion Bar – a pretty classy place, followed by stop overs at 3 other bars! Unfortunately, the music sucked, thus, no dancing!

- Salsa Intermediate has begun! And the turns, the spins, the music – ahhhh, we like muchly. “Muchly” is my new favorite term, coined by one of my favorite ppl ever!

- The Clapton concert was amazing, to say the least. It is breathtaking, the things that man can do with his guitar. As expected, he did not play Tears In Heaven, but he did play Wonderful Tonight, and I swear, I was in another world. N it takes a lot to get me that mushy! I still go sighhhh as I think of it. Sighhh

- Checked out the boys new house – and now we have a new place to party, have poker night, order pizza, and hang out till daybreak!

- The Little Devil’s birthday was fun fun with the girlies all dressed up and posing non stop for le camera! Ahhh, how vain we are!

- After the excessive fashion, partying, alcohol, socializing, cake, music, chilling, shopping, and kick – ass weekend, I definitely didn’t deserve this Monday. 12 hrs of non stop working on the same damn thing, I kid you not. This has resulted in crazy mood swings, borderline snappy emails, and far too much cursing.

- The clothes for tomorrow are yet to be ironed, dishes from the crappy dinner are still in the sink, and if the phone rings again, with someone from the team, telling me another something that to be dealt with, I swear to god, the phone or the laptop goes out of the window! *breathe in, breathe out* okay, maybe not.

- In other news, I have tickets to China & Hong Kong, hotel bookings for China, and absolutely no plans for HK. This means I don’t know who else is coming with me, I don’t have a hotel, and my best friend who used to live there, has moved to Scotland. She’s provided her best advice via MSN – places to shop at and places to eat at. She knows me well! But considering the trip’s happening in less than a week’s time, I should start worrying just a wee bit!

- I’m so excited, I can’t wait!

"I'm leaving your town again" from Plane, by Jason Mraz

Hush Hush

Our veiled conversations don’t upset me anymore. Neither does their lack of.
What does, however, are the conversations we have in our own heads, with each other, but never out loud.

Only Superstition

The New Year has been kick started in the best of ways!

The eve was spent cooking (yes, I repeat, cooking) Thai dinner with close friends, and savoring every bit of it. Next stop was the apartment 9 floors above ours – that of a friend’s, where we had planned the new years party. A house party on such occasions is the best - it prevents us from spending a majority of the evening in queues! I loved it all the more because when tired, all I had to do was get in the elevator and hit my floor – and tadaa! I’m home! Plenty of alcohol, music, flirting, dancing, and picture taking – not too bad a way to spend the new years eve I’d say! A private view of the fireworks from the balcony was the icing on the cake! The night stretched into the early hours of the day before I finally hit the elevator to go home! Needless to say, much of the first day of the year was spent in bed! But I woke up with a skip in my step – since my hair and I were smoke-smell free, and hangover free, respectively! The day ended on a good note, after a very pleasant date! *wink*

Day 2 has been just as great, if not better! (Although I had to get up as early as 930 am!) The Little Devil (LD) had asked us all out for ice skating, and so by 11 am, I was lacing up my skates and entering the rink after ages! (I’ve only been ice skating once before I my life) I am proud to announce that I fell only once, and at the end of the two hour session, I was not-so-gracefully skating across the rink without holding on to anything! We came out of the rink with huge grins, sore toes, and perhaps bruises that we’ll discover tomorrow! But the feeling of having taught yourself something, and falling, and picking up again, is amazing enough to compensate for the aching bums! Caught up with the girls about their India trip over lunch, and heard of the million and one fiascos that they’re responsible for.

I’m not superstitious, but I’d like to think that if the year started off so well, it’ll continue to be this great! Full of resolutions, promises, and over-ambitious plans, I look forward to the next 363 days as they unfold!

Cheers and a Happy New Year to all!

Where I spent the day after X-mas

...trying to leave footsteps behind...

...n watching them get washed away...

...sinking...

...reaching out....

...n planning my next trip...

Nice and Slow

*Post from Dec 25th, 2006*

Its 11 pm and I’m watching corny Hindi movies in my pajamas, with my ever expanding ass parked comfortably on a big, warm couch. Before that, I was painting my toes a deep brown, matching the couch on which was posterior was slowly sinking in. Prior to that, the feet were soaked in warm water, and the ass was on the same old couch.

Judging from the number of times I mention the words couch and ass in the previous few sentences, one can guess how I’m spending these 5 days at home! *winkie*

Now this is life!

The uncomfortable topic has been opened and closed with the mom. Thankfully, she’s very understanding, and read the “I don’t wanna talk about it “expression on my face. She didn’t push further. I guess I wanted to get the talk over with, so that it wouldn’t loom over my head into the next year! checked off the list!

Sometimes, I wonder. If I want to live it easy, or tough. If I want it all, or just make do with what I have? If I want it all planned out, or take it as it comes?

Planning’s good because then you have a goal, a vision of where you are going, and what you’re working towards. The problem, however, is the frustration that comes every time something doesn’t go according to plan. And that always happens.

If I don’t have a plan, then the feeling of not knowing where it’s all going, and having no drive and passion, is unnerving.

A balance of the two is something one can spend their entire life trying to achieve.

Sigh – what’s a girl to do. Especially when she always thought that the concept of balance and equilibrium was always over rated anyways!

Silent Night...

Friday, Dec 22^nd, 2006

*Posted typed at the airport / in flight / *

I’m about to take off to Bangkok in a matter of minutes, and the usual excitement of scheming for shopping and going out, has been replaced by the sense of relief at the thought of sleeping long hours, eating healthy, home food, and doing nothing. I think I’m aging at an exponential rate, because one does not spend the festive season in Thailand sleeping!!! I’m such a disgrace to the country this season!

Another year comes to an end and I don’t think it makes me feel any different. It was, however, a year that marked several milestones for me and the family. I completed the thesis, and graduated from the godforsaken engineering course! I bagged a kick ass job (I’m not gloating, I’m calling it kick ass cuz I love it), moved out to a house, and entered the working world. The little one graduated from high school and moved to the other side of the world to pursue higher education.

With 2006 came a new stage of life – one with more certainties, and bigger decisions, longer hours, and uncompromised independence. The perks: renewed confidence and greater challenges. Grown – uppyness ( self created word! ), being single, more partying, and thus higher consumption of alcohol! The costs: The carefree nature of a uni student, and a relationship. As they say, you win some, you lose some.

I’d be extremely cynical if I said that I lost more than I gained this year. I’d be annoyingly positive if I said that I gained more. Today, I chose the latter, because when I look back, I find far more things to smile about and be thankful for, then those to cry over. And thankfully, not much to regret.

Ever since I learnt (a little late, but still, better than never ) that one has to be responsible for their own happiness, I refuse to dwell over the lows, and instead, grin silly over the highs. The slumps will only be remembered by the precious lessons learnt from them, and the tear ducts that have run dry, will not be refilled.

Because, shit happens, and it’s really not worth keeping score of. Smiles, however, make great pictures and even get u free drinks! *wink wink*

I’d say goodbye to this year, with a very satisfied smile, thinking of and being thankful for the great family, the kick ass job, and pricesless friends!

God Bless, and Happy Holidays to All!

Someday you'll know

A phoenix rises from its ashes. Us Leos are similar.

I, rise from my tears .

The great thing about being a Leo is the giant sized ego that comes as a package deal – thus making sure that even from the lowest of lows, they bounce right back, like the "Hit – Me" dolls. That’s because they don’t like self – pity, and loathe those who dare to be sympathetic, after hurting them.

So my words of wisdom to those who mistakingly think that their actions will change my life, are : "Get - Over - Yourself".

In.your.face!

Friends, we love. Friends, we’ll go whining to when it gets that low, make imaginary voodoo dolls with, bitch, and cry, and accept that supporting shoulder. But self-righteous people who hurt and then try to offer pity/help/care to heal – a big thanks but no thanks. We appreciate the intentions; allow me now, to show you the door.

It’s a matter of pride. It’s a Leo thing.

*a-n-y-h-o-o* so that’s that.

Mid – week margaritas are yumm! Add some sinful, cheese smothered nachos, great company, and endless bitching, and you have the perfect recipe to spend a rainy Tuesday evening, especially if the skies haven’t stopped leaking for almost 2 days!

Don’t get me wrong, I like the rain. I love the rain. But only when I can enjoy watching it from my bed, looking out of the window – not when I have to walk through it, get my new shoes wet, declare the umbrella to be utterly useless, stand in the longest queues for taxis, and sit in buses with leaking roofs. Ugh and double Ugh!

N what’s with the whole world getting married! It’s the new in thing?? All that anyone could talk about back in India was – who’s getting married next, who should hook up with who, and why I and others my age should start thinking about it right away! As happy as I am for the newly wed couple, I so don’t wanna be in their shoes anytime soon.

Actually, make that never. No, not saying I don’t wanna get married. I just don’t think I can do with a week of ceremonies, being on mute, listening to everyone, pasting a smile on your face, and not enjoying your own wedding. While all the guests seemed to have an awesome time, the poor bride and the groom just looked dead tired, and borderline irritated at the camera flashes, and never ending ceremonies. This opinion was expressed to the wedding-struck mother, and was received rather well. It’s a relief knowing that we both don’t this for me. Everything else was conveniently left hanging in mid-air. (else = when do u want to get married, to who, what are your plans, etc. etc. )

Someday mom, someday, sometime, somewhere, someone! Now THAT, is a plan!

With or Without you

You’d be surprised to find out the things you can do without. And those that you cannot.

100 Tears away

Some losses are worth enough, that it’s okay to cry over them, time and again. I like to think it’s honoring them, showing respect, towards something that was yours, and is unfortunately no more.

Coincidently, two random sitcoms mentioned the 5 stages of grief. You know the jargon : Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Denied, and stood strong.

Yelled and screamed.

Bargained. Perhaps.

Depression. Not sure if this is over, or yet to come.

Acceptance. Definitely not there yet.

This.is.scary.

I was really hoping this was some mushy jargon for the TV. Please tell me I'm just tired and thinking too much - and this stuff is only true for sitcoms.

I'd hate to accept. Because then there'd be another stage. Defeat.

Where we gonna go from here?

I’m bored at the office – 3 out of 5 ppl in my team are away, and the new cute guy isn’t in today. The weather’s gloomy, perfect setting for a Monday – to nap in. I figure I’d be discovered immediately if I tried to nap in a huddle room, so I’m typing away and singing along with Pandora (in my head)

I’ve been considering spending the over-hyped, over-rated, and extremely boring new years at home this time. The options are I could spend half the evening standing in queues in Singapore – restaurants, clubs, loos, taxi stands, or I could be at home, at a simple party with the family friends. Singapore – hassle + booze. Home – no hassles + no booze + very good food. I’m stumped. And then there’s the question of whether to go home for X-mas (4 days), New years (5 days) or for the whole stretch and manage a 10 day break. Stumped yet again.

A sexy little ixus has been purchased with my name on it. It’s cute, small, fits the purse, and takes great pictures! My very sweet boss, upon hearing that I intended to buy a camera, offered to pick it up for me from Hong Kong, on his biz trip, and got me a great deal. Lower price plus a 2 GB memory card! Now I can’t wait for him to get back!

The little one just messaged to tell me that he’s going to Toronto for the x-mas break – that lucky brat. He’s also getting an ipod for x-mas, because he’s doing very well at uni, and his sister feels awful that he’s away from home this holiday season. Did I mention, he’s a lucky brat! ;)

I realize that I’m left with only 1 weekend to go to India and I haven’t done any presents shopping. And I am spending half of my next weekend taking part in an Amazing Race, which is to raise funds for a comm. service project the girls are involved in. The Little Devil and Tipsy will rough it out in Calcutta for 3 weeks – spending time educating, and doing projects with the less fortunate children. I couldn’t be more proud to have friends, with the biggest hearts. A big cheers to the girls, and this project.

Travel agent’s are irritating – they ask a gazillion questions and then find me no bookings. So I’m taking matters in my own hands - off to book my tickets, and day dream about India and then home!

1000 miles

No point in tugging at, evaluating, justifying, and wondering about something - which wasn't there to begin with. And if you do, like I did, and feel like a fool, then, hon, you deserved it. You were being stupid, so why blame anyone else.

One of the most thrown around phrases is to "move on." It is also one of the most ambiguous terms, and could mean differnet things to different people.

One could have moved on from one relationship, or could have moved on from the whole concept of relationships. From having a pampered life where everything was paid for, everything was taken care of. Or from having a materialistic life altogether. From a major event in life. Or, from the time frame when it happened. Kept walking with time, till the distance between it and you increased.

So when they talk about moving on, how do you know if you have or not? Are you merely measuring how far you have come from the issue, and have thus moved on? Or if you have made peace with it and laid it to rest?

I miss sitting by the ocean - rising tides somehow sooth inner turmoils. Especially when you can feel something brewing inside, but it's too soon to know how big and destructive it could be. Better put it to sleep with the sea's lullaby.

X-mas shall be spent by the beach.

Fragmented, unclear posts - seems to be a pattern here. Gee, I wonder what it means.

Free Falling

Free – falls.

I want to fall free. Sans inhibitions. Sans safety supports. Sans back ups. Sans control.

I remember 5 years ago – at a hilly country club in Thailand. Riding mountain bikes up a killer slope. Just to ride it back down – without holding the handle bars. Leaning back. Wind on our faces. Hands spread out. Feet off the pedals. No safety wheels. No control. Free fall.

One rock, that’s all it would take to make the bike go out of control and skid down the slope along with the biker. But this was overridden by the pure bliss and high that one felt while coming down.

I want to ride a bike down a steep slope, and let go of the handle bars. Again. I want to feel that high. Again.

Such memories and more, from too long a time ago, make me sift through the recent ones, to find one in which, I -

Saw the rainbow colors in soap bubbles.

Lost track of time while talking on the phone.

Ran around in the rain. Basked in the sun. Made ice – cold lemonade on a hot afternoon. Realized that there are seasons – see them come. Wave them good bye.

Went on a long walk and lost my bearings.

Tried to bake brownies.

Fell asleep reading, with the lights on.

Snuck something. Anything. From anyone.

Had a crush. A real one – with the butterflies and the blushing and the nick names.

Hurt myself – in a way that required a band – aid to heal. Only.

Gazed at the stars.

Cried over a book. A song.

Hugged, and forgot to let go.

. and I find none.

I’m baffled by my loss. Because I know they exist. Somewhere in the yellowing pages of the ream, which I locked away, to keep safe.

I’m bothered. Because I didn’t realize that behind those unbreakable locks, I left a part, that was me.

I’m restless because I see them from far, but don’t know where I’ve put the key.

Bigger, Stronger

I spoke to someone today who is about to get married, and who was suffering from pre-nuptial anxiety attacks. About sharing a large part of your life with someone else. And I, had to calm this person down and highlight the merits of marriage and togetherness. The said person and I had just recently concluded that I am indeed afraid of commitments. We couldn’t help laughing at the fact that I, someone who can’t even commit to a tattoo because it is “too permanent” would calm someone’s nerves and convince them that getting married would be the best thing that’s happened to them.

Later, this person remarked that “Maybe you are only afraid on the surface, but deep inside, you believe in marriage, and commitment, that’s why you could convince me.” To which, I very confidently said, “I am a very persuasive person. This is nothing personal. Now, go do something useful! ”

On a totally disconnected note,

Is it true, what they say? Time does heal most things.

All – I wouldn’t agree. But most, yes.

Or maybe it doesn’t heal them, but makes us stronger, to confront the past, and, sometimes, even the future.