Money for nothing...

***Proud moment***

I made an omelet for dinner on my own, without breaking it. It looked like a normal omelet, and I am still alive an hour after eating it.

***End of Proud moment***

I guess that says a lot about my culinary skills, doesn’t it? My response to ma when she grumbles about my lack of grace in the kitchen, is “ hah, I can’t be good at everything now, can I?” Apart from rolling her eyes, she can’t do much, and I get off the hook!

I was talking to Blurry today and realized that people around me are so focused on money these days. It’s rather disturbing. I guess it has something to do with just starting our careers and paying bills with our hard earned cash (for most) as opposed to the scholarship or the transfer from dad that parked itself into the bank every beginning of the semester. But still, I liked to know that we had better measures for like than the dollar bills. Conversations lately are measured in rent, costs, furniture costs, taxi costs, GST for god’s sake, courses’ costs, blah blah blah. It all boils down to the single $ value that is put on things.

Maybe it’s the long term vs. the short. We’re rather myopic as so far we’ve only planned for a few years at a time. In middle school, you only looked as far as 4 years of high school. High school was spent planning the glorious university days (4 years). Freshmen year in university was spent planning a major, and by junior year, we were planning the final year projects. Finally, in senior year, we were looking for the jobs. Now, a few are still looking at only 3 years before the MBA. We got so used to planning for the short term, that I guess we don’t have a grasp of the long term. I got my first bite of that when my parents told me that losing the money was no big deal, and in 2 years time, it would seem like an insignificant amount. N I figured yeah, in a few years time, I wouldn’t care at all. This was the comforting thought that helped me sleep at night.

I also stopped thinking in my head that I need a better paying job that I won’t enjoy half as much, every time something went wrong at work or every time I heard of another apartment that I couldn’t afford. I finally internalized the fact that for a few hundred bucks less, I get the experience and the skills that I won’t find elsewhere. Now how do you put a value to that?

I like to think we’re not merely materialistic, but rather trying to survive on our own in the “real world” as they call it. It’s always a race to chasing that big $$$ amount for the MBA. Or to start up a business. Or for that car. And some cushioning in the bank in case the sky falls. I like to believe that this $ talk is only the survival instinct, but that underneath, we do know the things that matter to us. N a few odd bucks here and there don’t change that.

Which one...?

Say Cheese

A Change will do you good

I have an apartment! Finally!!!

It’s old, its huge, its expensive, its air-ey, its near town, its not fancy, its 2 bus stops from my office! So it’s not perfect, but in this market, it comes close! I still love our current place muchly, but somehow, I’m not attached to it. Maybe it’s because it’s only been one year. Maybe because I was rarely at home to make it feel like “home”. Or maybe after staying in a different room on campus every year, I’m used to packing up my belongings and moving on.

In the next 9 days, my life is going to revolve around packing, shifting, unpacking, cable, internet, utilities accounts; year end closing, forecast accuracy, etc. etc. oh, I forgot to mention that with June comes the end of the fiscal year, and being in the finance function, it means it’s the busiest time of the year! God bless them accountants who have to manage the “books.”! My sympathies!

Lately, my mind’s been racing at a pace too fast for the rest of me to keep up, and the whole day seems like a struggle for the rest of the body to keep up with it.

I want a holiday. Not a long weekend get away in Bkk where I get absolutely no breathing space. I need solitude, a change of scene, and a place where my brain goes in overdrive trying to absorb all the new sights and sounds. Or a quiet place where it slows down to match the stillness of the surroundings. Or a place with new people and refreshing conversation. Just something different from the present, a dream that I don’t want to wake up from.

No, i don’t wish to escape from the present. I just want some diversity in the present. A new flavor. A different note.

At the boarding gates...

Careful where you stand

*Post from 4 days ago*

I have been cheated out of a large chunk of my money and I am trying to make peace with it. I can live knowing that it’s only money, and that a few years down the lane, it’d seem like a negligible amount. But today it hurts. It was my hard earned cash over a year. It is also the first time I have been cheated. And that, I cannot make peace with. Its upsetting and it has left me rather shaken. I am trying the legal channel – after all, the law is there to protect us. But today I don’t feel so safe anymore. Every time I leave the house, I am conscious of who is walking ahead of me, and behind. No transaction, no deal, no interaction seems trustworthy. I can’t get rid of this shadow of suspicion that follows every movement around me.

It’s probably a good thing. We learn from our mistakes. Sometimes, we learn from our sheer bad luck. This time, it was my bad luck, and every other day, I dwell into the could’ve-would’ve-should’ve, which ends up replaying the entire event in my end, and leaves me exasperated, and depressed! I wish there was a way to carve our some thoughts from one heads and burn them away for good.

I noticed that over the past few years, I have become rather cynical. But today I realize, that it’s not enough. Cynicism should come hand in hand with an untrusting mind. I picked up the sourness along the way, but wasn’t able to change the fact that I trust people easily. Mental note: hate everyone, question everything.

Work’s crappy. There are days when I’m too messed up from the whole apartment thing that I can’t work. N then there are days when I’m ready to work hard, and the day starts with a nasty email, or fire fighting, without any commendable results.

It’s one of those days when you feel it slipping and you cant be bothered trying to stop it. You can only hope that you escape into a dreamless slumber, before you start slipping faster.

A box full of sharp objects

I haven’t posted in a while, I realize. I’d like to think that’s because not much has happened, but in fact plenty has!

I need an apartment - I found one – I signed lease – paid deposit – found out the agent’s cheating me as another person has signed lease for the SAME place – went to police – asked for money back – got a cheque. I’ll find out tomorrow if I actually get my money back. Else, that’ll be some real hard earned money that I’ll have to chase.

The boy (knows as the boy, to many) is leaving the country to pursue, ahem, higher education. He’ll be gone in approximately two and half months. Some laughed when they found out, not because they are just mean hearted bastards, but because of the irony of this all. A previous relationship didn’t work due to the distance, and this one is going to test my patience with distance, again. They laughed, because when I date, I am treated like a princess, and then external forces ensure that this person is placed far far away from me. This time, even I laughed. So I wouldn’t cry.

I wonder if this is some conspiracy to teach me how to live alone and be independent. WELL, I PAY ALL MY EFFING BILLS AND RUN MY ERRANDS AND LEAD A LIFE W/O THE FAMILY. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO LEARN?

*phew*

So anyhoo!

Since the house thing had be going bonkers for days (not having a place, and then being cheated in one), I have been eating too much, and drinking like they are about to ban alcohol for good! Next week, it’s time to say hi to the guys at the gym again!

One high point of the week was a Cuban (was it??) dinner, refreshing mojitos, a great band, and some wonderful company on a Friday night. I do have the nicest friends, mind you! They make you stop worrying about the world falling apart, the boy leaving, the lack of roof over your head, and your approaching poverty!

Friends leaving, friends getting married, friends turning into acquaintances. It’s all happening right here!

In some ways, I am happy that time is flying. It is letting me leave things behind – things I should have left behind a few stops before. But better late than ever, I always believe. The light-headedness and freedom that comes with this was long overdue! Travel light, why carry the extra baggage, that you know you neither need, nor can afford.

Which reminds me, in 4 days, I’ll be home, eating rich food, catching up with the little one, enjoying the feeling of being a complete family again, and indulging in all (most of) my vices.

Till then, its working hard, cursing the boss, apartment – hunting, and no alcohol!

I wish I could say not much has been happening!

Choices

My biggest problem at the moment is that I cannot decide what phone I want to buy!
I know I want a new one - Just don't know which one! They're all fat and ugly or bulky and ugly!

Since I cannot make up my mind and choose one of the uglies.

So - I am still using the old one!

Bahh!

Smack that!

The most entertaining thing I did today was watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy ~ and this episode did not feature McDreamy enough. Judging from the high point, you can guess how crappy the rest of the day was. I also painted my fingernails - for therapeutic reasons. This way, I’d have wet nail paint, which means I can’t use my hands, and thus I can’t hurl anything out of my window. (Objects to be hurled: the cell phone, the laptop, the fan, the chair, the teddy bear, the mirror, and anything I can lift!) I would have thrown these things out earlier but I had temporarily lost use of my right hand – because sometime around 5pm, after declaring that I was having a shitty day, I went to the pantry to get myself a hot cup of milo and ended up spilling half the steaming contents on my hand. It went numb and then it hurt like hell. Especially the soft skin between the thumb and the index finger – HELL I say!

The Barclays, ABN, RBS, Bank of America fiasco is also another source of entertainment. It’s almost as good as celebrity gossip.

I faced an interesting situation over the weekend, when at a party, one of the guests said something unpleasant to me, for no apparent reason (no, I wouldn’t have offended them in any way, considering I barely spoke to them and don’t know them) I wonder how such “educated” and “mature” people can stoop to such lows. I did not deliver the otherwise well deserved bitchslap because I did not want to insult my wonderful host’s guests! Man, if only I had!

On to more pleasant things – the cute Spanish boy (CSB) will be joining the team starting Monday. We took him out for dinner at Equinox, which serves below average food with a great view! CSB is very friendly and the accented English is oh-so-cute! Later, he managed to convince us that we should all have drinks, on a Monday night. We gave him extra brownie points, even before he’s started! Next week would be interesting, to say the least!

The gym friends have noticed my absence as of late, and I have a lot of catching up to do starting Thursday! *groans* I hope I break something, a minor burn is not a good enough reason to not go to the gym and not feel guilty!

3 more days till the weekend – there is still hope!

Granola makes me grouchy...

The good news: boss’s boss is NOT coming to town, and therefore I don’t have to work my ass off to produce a whizbang presentation by next week; the cute, curly haired, colored eyed Spanish boy is indeed joining our team, and we’re be taking him out for a fancy dinner next week!

The bad news: there is sooooooo much work to be done! And I haven’t worked out in almost 2 weeks; I could barely jog on Tuesday and today at the gym, I just gave up. Gym felt like slow, painful death – so 40 mins into the work out, I just stopped the treadmill and walked off! So now I feel fat, AND lazy! Bummer!

Other, not so important news : last week I felt like a clerk at work. I also found out that some freakin’ investment banks are paying their summer interns a full employee pay, WHICH IS MUCH MORE THAN MINE! Some twerp will walk off with a huge pay check, and no taxes, no provident fund, nothing! I am right to feel underpaid and over worked! UNFAIR!

I think I have to stop eating those darned “healthy” granola bars for breakfast! Health food as first meal of the day makes me cranky!

I am completing my 1 year in the company in about 2 weeks time ~ I no longer have the “new-hire” tag to protect me, so now I can just hope that the “innocent” look works, every time I stuff something up! This also means that now I can bully the newbies and act like I own the place!

One year out of the university and into the work – force…where was I when time was flying by??

Somewhere I belong

I am typing this half sunk in my oh-so-comfortable bed at the Pen. and wondering if should bother getting up for dinner and a massage, or if I should just shut my eyes and sleep right away! I okay Manila, I don’t love it absolutely. Although, I have to say that it beats Singapore hands down when it comes to hospitality and gives Thailand some real competition in this field! I work with a lot of Filipinos and I used to wonder, how in the world can they be so nice and smiling all the time! Now, I’m in country surrounded by hundreds of these very sweet people! I think that gets rid of half the stress!

I didn’t get much sleep last nite because I was bumming around with friends, and only realized pretty late that my training actually started at 8! God knows how I made it to breakfast and past the training! *I yawned shamelessly so many times, I wanted to bury my head in the ground* The fact that the training was super dry and boring didn’t help either! So, instead of working late, I decided to come back to the hotel, change, and head out shopping! I was warned not to stay out too late, so I did my shopping at the mall nearby and just came back a few mins ago. I am now waiting for my colleague to pick me up, to go out for dinner and a much needed massage! If he doesn’t show up soon, I risk falling asleep in jeans with this laptop on my stomach!

I am not extending my trip anymore and am returning immediately after my meetings tomorrow. I had the option of staying longer, but I realize that there isn’t anything that’s keeping me here, holding me back, unlike China and HK! Like I said, I okay Manila. Its much like any Indian metro, plus a gazillion warnings to be careful, just like we warn our foreign friends when they go to India.

I don’t mind going back tomorrow – there is something that holds me back there.

The little one is back at home now and suddenly, I’m more homesick than ever! I want to go back, and I cant! With the team being reduced to nearly half its size, there’s more than enough work to be done ~ and the boss is already traveling. I don’t think I can go home before july! *sobs* work sucks!!! Wondering if I should make a quick weekend trip first, in May and then go for a longer break later!

But before that, I gotta go back tomorrow, survive the week, pack my bags, and go off on my long long weekend!

*stares away in space and day dreams of the beach*

Hella Good

It’s amazing how with just a few strokes of keys, one can shrug off so much. Neat and measured deletions – and just like that, it’s gone. Sometimes, you gotta love the computer for keeping things so impersonal. If you hit the right ones, you never run the risk of stumbling upon what you’d hidden away from yourself.

I’m reading Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, so pardon me if I sound like I’m far away. I still remember her poetry from high school days – it was too disturbing for our impressionable minds, and to date, I remember Tulips, Lazy Lazarus, Daddy, etc. and how every analysis somehow lead to her depression and suicide attempts. Disturbing, but beautiful. Sigh. This is her only novel, and is just as remarkable as her poems. Unfortunately, it leaves one almost devoid of life, much like the protagonist.

Plenty of changes taking place these days; my good friend and team mate from work is serving the last 2 weeks of his notice, before he leaves to pursue his real interest - writing. My manager, is also serving her notice. She will leave the company in about 3 weeks. Her extensive knowledge of the business and 10 years of experience is something I doubt many people can match. Neither can they match her caring and understanding nature, and her willingness to indulge in our silly games, drinking, and partying, and gossiping. The boss told me that I’ll be fine, and that after a few years, people moving on and leaving would stop bothering me and I wouldn’t get so attached. I hope he’s right – because you know how much I hate people leaving.

Whenever I reach a phase in my life, when things should be stable and straight forward, and I start to think – oh hey, maybe I can get a breather, new uncertainties haunt me. It’s a pattern, which repeats itself such as the chaos is about to clear. Maybe I should stop wishing for simplicity – maybe if I can convince myself that it’ll just be too dull, I will stop wanting it so bad.

Told the boss I need time off, and have extended the Labor Day holiday into a long weekend. Plans are to laze by the beach, pamper self at the spa, recharge by the water sports, and get a change of scene. Bookings have been confirmed, and all that remains is the count down. I also plan to forget my hand phone at home.

Coming Sunday, I fly off to Manila! When I’d gone down to the Philippines Embassy, something reminded me of my teenage crush. A Filipino guy - cute, popular, friendly, and funny – oh how I adored AB! Do people still have crushes these days? It seems so passé!

On a more cheerful note, an hour ago, I spoke to the mother about coming home later in May, when the bro will be home too. I also told her that I’m booking us into a full day spa treatment, which she’ll just have to come for, no questions asked, as we leave the men behind at home. I love how I can order everyone around at home!

Seeing as I have plenty to look forward to, things aren’t looking too bad! It’s the damn book, I tell you.

Motivate Me...

I gathered up the courage to go on a bike ride, for the second time in my life. The first time was 18 years ago. I am very proud of my achievement.

I promised myself I won’t drink this weekend, and managed a 66.67% success rate. I did drink on Friday, but that’s excusable, since it was super smart and super sexy Sherene’s birthday party! She, btw, was an amazing hostess, busy attending to all her guests, even when she was the guest of honor!!! And before R kills me, I must say that he deserves the credit for pulling together a great surprise party at his place for the lovely gf!

I also managed to watch The Namesake, which I loved absolutely. I always prefer the book to the movie, and this one’s no different. But I don’t think anyone would have been able to paint the book on the screen better than Mira Nair. For someone who hadn’t read the book before, it might have seemed a little disjointed, as she tried to squeeze the entire book in just two hours of screenplay. The acting, however, made up for this little flaw! Oh, and Kal Penn’s kindaa cute, and can pull off a non-comic role pretty darn well!

Friday was the most eventful day, and it all went downhill from there. I slept a lot, but disturbed sleep just adds to the fatigue, rather than curing it. When bothered by something, I seek comfort in buying pretty things, which don’t look so great by the time I get home. I swear, it’s as if during the 15 mins that I take to come home from the mall, the fit, the size, the color, all transforms into something hideous!

The boss is back tomorrow, and I’m not ready to face the music, yet. I want to find a corner and become invisible. Sigh. I was so unproductive all of last week! I just hope that it was a passing phase, and it’ll all be okay from tomorrow.

Its late on a Sunday night and I’m too blah right now, as is evident from this post. But tomorrow is Monday, the start of yet another week. Sigh. You know what I mean…

All that she wants

It’s well past midnight and although I’m extremely tired, I’m far from sleepy. A whole lot of things are gnawing at the back of my head, keeping me awake, and cranky. When all failed, I figured I might as well pen them down. It usually helps me get rid of fighting issues one by one, laying them out and then sitting back to see the whole picture. The fact that this space is not as anonymous as it once was does not bother me - I don’t feel the need to be hiding in the comfort of anonymity anymore. I don’t need a disclaimer, but still – this is not me whining. This is me just lending my worries to this space, so I can make way for sleep.

*The fact that I don’t have a specific goal in my career, and it is up to me to define it, both exhilarating and scary. While I have the freedom to choose between aiming to do well in this assignment, working for a short term in this company, and planning my career with it, I can’t seem to settle on one to work hard towards. So far, I had milestones at specific time intervals – high school – 4 years – university – 4 years, and I knew what I wanted to get out of each of those. Now, I don’t know where I want to place the next milestone for my career. 2 years? 3 years? 10 years? Its all very exciting, but at the moment, I’m too overwhelmed to appreciate this freedom.

*I wish I did something more meaningful at times. No leads on Laos yet. Sigh.

*Why don’t I have the willpower to stop using food as a comfort object during tough times ~ and lose a few pounds that I know I can do without. There are no healthy options near the office, and I have inherited my love for food from both my parents. Living in a country where girls are 99% skinny – it’s tough sometimes to feel all that great about yourself. And when the weighing scale at the gym, mocks your sweaty work out – it isn’t funny!!!

*Where will I be living in two months time? I need a new house since the landlord wants this place back; 2 out of 4 of us are uncertain about whether they will still need to be in Singapore after June, so I don’t know if we should look for a place for 2 or 4. I know I know, I shouldn’t worry so much about things I don’t have control over, but I do anyways.

*I want to travel – while I still can, commitment free. I wish that I had company to travel, with people who were at the same frequency at me. The Genting trip was cancelled – due to unfortunate and unforeseen immigration and important commitments. I understand, but I am frustrated that I spend the CNY weekend AND this long weekend in town, doing nothing different. I have resolved that I am going to start traveling alone – one can always use quality time with themselves, and can never make enough friends!

*I wonder if I’ll ever have a relationship that was not perpetually shadowed by clouds of uncertainly. Or distance. Always. Because I don’t think I can keep looking out for the silver lining. One can’t always see it, you know. I didn’t know that a simple one would be so hard to come across. I might see a faint silver if I squint hard enough.

* I don’t want to feel bad about not having savings. I pay all my bills, a huge CPF, and paying for more than 50% of my college education, by forcefully taking a uni loan, and now repaying it myself. Throw in the few expensive presents for the family that I always wanted to get them, and finally have the means to, and splurge on myself once in a while on myself. Complete financial independence – check. The right “to own that ridiculously high pair of shoes, and many other “non-sensible” pretty things” earned? – Check.

*I wish I knew how to manage my time better so I could accommodate all that I wish to do in the 24 hours that is a day. Because days go by and months change without warning, and I am way off some personal goals. I am not pleased with myself.

I should now go to bed – hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll find half of my worries, if not all, juvenile and worth a good laugh.

And buy something new – to add to the collection of “things I could’ve lived without”

TOYS R US!

Time: 10:00 am
Breakfast: Chocolate chunk granola bar


I came in the office a full 15 mins later than my usual time – and the office is still half empty (or half full, whatever you prefer). I wonder if everyone else was reading a book as interesting as mine that they ended up sleeping late as well. I picked up “Three Cups of Tea” from Borders last weekend, and it comes with a beautiful one line description: “One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One school at a Time.” It’s the perfect book for the state of mind I’ve been in recently.

It gives one some perspective, and take another look at their growing list of material worries – and hang their head in shame. It’s not a feel good book though – nor is it a piece of literature. It’s a narration of a man who tried to climb K2 – failed – raised money – to go back and build schools for the village girls in Pakistan/Afghanistan. I can’t say what I love more – the scenery, the man’s unbeatable spirit, or the mountain climbing stories. Sigh. I was willing to miss by stop just so I could finish a chapter.

In my moment of inspiration, I have sent some emails. If all goes well, I’ll be in Laos this summer, working on a project to provide clean drinking water. Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

On a more cheerful note, we are moving to our old/new office on Monday – which means today will be spent packing our stuff, and we have to empty the office by 6. The girlies and I shall head out then for some fine wine and dining and more wine. Packing promises to be fun, as I have the most interesting desk at the moment – decorated with toys. Yes, I repeat, toys. Happy Meal toys to be precise. My very thoughtful boss needs his evening snack, and religiously buys a McDonalds Happy Meal – and awards the toy to me. (Yes, I have told him many times that I am not 5!!!) There are these really ugly Bionicle thingis, an even uglier hello kitty, a pink doll + closet, a beanie baby type teddy bear, and a whole menagerie of others. Sigh. In my defense, I didn’t buy or ask for, or want, any of those. (Oh, but my prized possession is a pair of devil’s horns, which I absolutely love)

You can stop giving me funny looks now.

How do you breathe

I recently completed 10 months at my first job, and fortunately, I am not as dissatisfied as a lot of my peers with their respective job.

But a long lunch and insightful conversation with my colleagues got me thinking this Friday – about exactly how satisfying or fulfilling I find my job –

On bad days, I spend countless hours in meetings which are a complete waste of time; write a gazillion emails, and adding absolutely no value to the business, or to myself; drink far too many expensive lattes, watch everything go wrong; whine about everything that went wrong, and pack up and leave, feeling underpaid and over worked.

On good days, I lead meetings, influence people, make decisions, resolve issues, change the way things are done – and make a difference. I manage to have pleasant lunch breaks with colleagues/friends; manage half-decent meals, leave for the gym on time, and have a solid work out.

But at the end of the day – be it good or bad, what am I essentially doing? Adding value to the business? Gaining work experience? Honing my skills? Networking? So the company benefits from it, and I personally benefit from it. But something’s missing –

After 10 months, now that I have settled in, and am no longer overwhelmed by the size of the company or the extent of my job – I guess I can sit back and look at the whole picture. And I can put a finger on what is missing –

The non-material, external factor. Where it’s not about how much money I made or saved for the company, and in return how much they paid me! But if I actually made a difference in anyone’s life. It’s pathetic how I left student mentoring for inexcusable reasons such as thesis, job interviews, then the job itself, etc.

Some days, I go to bed thinking if this is all that I want to do in life. Other days I wonder if this is exactly what I don’t want to do. Most nights, I don’t know.

Maybe if I find that something which goes beyond my current grip, and makes me stand on my tip toes, and reach out, maybe then, it’ll all fall in place.

Till then, I can go to bed knowing that I haven’t sold my soul to the devil. Well, at least not yet.

It's all Pappy's Fault!

So, I made an SMS boo boo this morning as I hit the wrong name on my list and there went my sms - to the wrong person. I thought I'd die of embarressment at first, but now I find it funny. Oh, and I'm denying it ever happening. I didn't do it - hah! Pappy did. The fact that Pappy couldn't have used my phone at 940 am simply because he's on the other side of the city, is absolutely irrelevant. I didnt do it - He did! (I should tell Pappy about what he's allegedly done!) *winks*

In other news, I'm going on a road trip soon! Probably to Genting or somewhere - destination doesnt matter, the company does. And I'm going with a kick-ass group of people! I can't wait for the Good Friday weekend!

Sandy's coming back from New Zealand, finally. It's about time - people shouldn't be gone long, it annoys me. Then I miss then, and then I get angry at them cuz they're gone and missing them makes me sappy. So, when I do speak to them, I spend half the time yelling at them, for being gone! Yes, even I don't see the logic, so don't try! I just hate people who go away.

Stupid Sandy is coming for a few days, before he goes off to his glam job in London. What the @#$%^&?!?!?! Like I said, I get annoyed when people go away. This also means that the members of the club that calls me "Princess" is depleting fast! (Yes, I am that bratty!)

Nothing else is new! It's a Tuesday like any other.

To "S"

12 years ago –

I wasn’t exactly a timid kid – I was always outgoing, giggly and loud. But life had gone through a few unexpected turns. I had moved to Thailand with family, but because of the different education system there, I had to come back to India to complete my 6th grade. Within a month’s time, I returned to Calcutta, a city i’d only been to once before, to spend the next 6 months living with an aunt, and completing her 6th grade. It was a new city, new school, new education system, and a new family that I had to adapt to – and catch up on a semesters worth of study material – all in 10 days.

I made new friends in the neighborhood and school, and since a lot of them lived in my block, my school friends and home friends were the same. S was one of them. S – a skinny guy, with a bright smile and a huge heart. He lived in my block and was in my class as well. Since he was a bright kid, the teachers asked him to lend me his notebooks to catch up on the previous semesters work. We became good friends, and soon I was part of the gang – we hung out, played stupid games, ate junk from hawkers and lived the typical 11 year olds life. Except that I had a personal flock of bullies, and no one else did. Sigh. I had to take after school tuition lessons for a few days to catch up on the previous semesters work in the new school, and everyday, as I’d return home at 6pm, a gang of boys would be playing cricket outside my block. And the minute they’re see my approach, they’d whistle, and tease one of their guy friends about me. no big deal, I think now. But back then, it was a huge deal. 7 guys against 1 girl – that too, new. Back then, I was not the type who’d just look them straight in the eye and tell them to fuck off. I wish I had. I would jus keep a straight face and wake right up to my house. I remember how much I dreaded it and how everyday while I walked back from my lessons, as I’d turn the corner to my street, I’d pray that the boys had chosen a different place to hang out. And my heart would sink as I’d spot them from far, and the jokes on me would begin. No one said anything directly to, but they said everything to V, a stupid dumbfuck of a guy, about me. Like “there comes your heartthrob” blah blah some stupid shit like that. Amazingly, stupid shit like that can bully a little girl. Anyways, back to the story. One fine day, S happened to be around when the guys started their usual chit chat as they saw me approach. (the boys were from my grade in school btw, where they pretended like nothing was going on.) And he heard them. I think later in the evening when we were hanging out, he mentioned that and I burst out crying. (yes, again, little girls are sensitive) I hated Calcutta, I hated living there, and I hated being bullied everyday and not being able to tell anyone. Didn’t wanna create trouble for my uncle/aunt, and didn’t wanna worry the parents. Few days after, he heard them say something to me again and he went n told them off. Some guy stuff, which I didn’t hear. But he got the point across. And they stopped eventually. They knew I was part of the other gang, S and his friends, my friends, and rule of the neighborhood – everyone stays within their territories and doesn’t bother the others. I was relieved beyond relief –I remember being able to walk back home and not worry. It all seems so silly now, so juvenile. But I guess when you are 11, such things matter the most. S was always nice to me, not in a “I’m hitting on you” way, but “i’s new – i’s not with family, let’s make sure i doesn’t get homesick” way. They adored me, my attempts at Bengali, and at wearing a sari at durga puja. S would walk back home with us after school and he had a bicycle and I’d walk back (the school was that near), and another girl and I would dump our bag on his bike and walk off, and he never said no. I dunno why I remember such little things. But he’s one of the few people I remember from Calcutta. I hated those 6 months of my life, and if it weren’t for S and the gang, I’d have been miserable throughout.

Today – I found him on Orkut. As much as I hate orkut, I am glad for this one thing. I remember trying to look for him earlier, but never finding him, and this time I did. I msged him and wondered if he remembered me, and he did.

I doubt we’ll have much to talk about today- if at all. We had a brief friendship of 6 months, and then a 12 year gap. I think a quick chat is all that we’ll be able to manage , and then it’ll be forgotten. But I ll remember those days, and I’ll remember S. That was one of the most difficult time of my life, being jolted out of my comfort zone and thrown into a whole new world, which I grew to hate. Thanks S, for at least now I have some fond memories of those 6 months.

p.s. this is the longest post ever!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..."

I went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend, and I am very pleased with myself. I have developed this new tendency to shop – and do that non stop, when I’m nervous about the turns of life. Thankfully, not many things make me nervous enough these days to go swipe plastic everywhere. Else, I’d be in so much trouble!

Its been a kick-ass Monday. Yes, I just used the words Kick ass and Monday in the same sentence. The boss is away on business trip, to a place where the time zone is in our favor – so that his working hours and our starting/break/lunch hours clash perfectly. Therefore, he can never find us! We are gonna savor every minute of the next 3 days! Don’t get me wrong, we love our boss. It’s just that these days we’re all so swamped, and his requests, typically “things that shouldn’t take more than 15” actually do – and they are never ending. Before we know it, its 6pm and we haven’t touched a thing on our to do list. I was surprisingly chirpy today – and got tons done. Just to make it better, my very girly, retro dress, was a hit at the office!

I continued the shopping spree from yesterday and went to buy some more gym stuff – shorts, tees, and a gym bag! Now I have no excuse to not go! Sobs!

I bet if I’d read my horoscope today, it’d have read “BEWARE!! do not make any financial transactions today – or else your wallet will burst into flames!” I tried to expense my corporate card bill and realized that the hotel had double charged me. called them up, and the manager called back and apologized for their boo boo. Tried to pay bills online (there are so many bills that its not even funny!) and the internet kept disconnecting as I hit “confirm” I might just have paid my phone bill 5 times. Argh! N my credit card company fucked up my account statement and was charging me an odd 500 bucks extra. It really isn’t a good day for bills.

I need a holiday – doing grown uppy things is tiring! Plans for the Good Friday weekend are floating about and I am very excited. Mom might be coming by for a week sometime soon too! I have to make the Manila trip happen somehow, and some friends from work and I are planning on a backpacking trip to India! Planning holidays is so much more fun than setting accounts, paying bills, and figuring out that you have no money left!

I’m just in an usually good mood – and I shall go to bed grinning like Cheshire cat now!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..." - Long December, Counting Crows

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..."

I went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend, and I am very pleased with myself. I have developed this new tendency to shop – and do that non stop, when I’m nervous about the turns of life. Thankfully, not many things make me nervous enough these days to go swipe plastic everywhere. Else, I’d be in so much trouble!

Its been a kick-ass Monday. Yes, I just used the words Kick ass and Monday in the same sentence. The boss is away on business trip, to a place where the time zone is in our favor – so that his working hours and our starting/break/lunch hours clash perfectly. Therefore, he can never find us! We are gonna savor every minute of the next 3 days! Don’t get me wrong, we love our boss. It’s just that these days we’re all so swamped, and his requests, typically “things that shouldn’t take more than 15” actually do – and they are never ending. Before we know it, its 6pm and we haven’t touched a thing on our to do list. I was surprisingly chirpy today – and got tons done. Just to make it better, my very girly, retro dress, was a hit at the office!

I continued the shopping spree from yesterday and went to buy some more gym stuff – shorts, tees, and a gym bag! Now I have no excuse to not go! Sobs!

I bet if I’d read my horoscope today, it’d have read “BEWARE!! do not make any financial transactions today – or else your wallet will burst into flames!” I tried to expense my corporate card bill and realized that the hotel had double charged me. called them up, and the manager called back and apologized for their boo boo. Tried to pay bills online (there are so many bills that its not even funny!) and the internet kept disconnecting as I hit “confirm” I might just have paid my phone bill 5 times. Argh! N my credit card company fucked up my account statement and was charging me an odd 500 bucks extra. It really isn’t a good day for bills.

I need a holiday – doing grown uppy things is tiring! Plans for the Good Friday weekend are floating about and I am very excited. Mom might be coming by for a week sometime soon too! I have to make the Manila trip happen somehow, and some friends from work and I are planning on a backpacking trip to India! Planning holidays is so much more fun than setting accounts, paying bills, and figuring out that you have no money left!

I’m just in an usually good mood – and I shall go to bed grinning like Cheshire cat now!

"It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..." - Long December, Counting Crows